"do you take this man to be your lawful wedded rapist?"

Kind of makes you wonder what marketing ideas were rejected at that brainstorming session.

"Ladies, if the hair on the back of your neck stands up it is because you are fighting your role in the scripture."

I actually kept taking it to a place where "a garden" is a euphemism for pubic hair, and then imagined Mark Driscoll taking teeny tiny gardening shears and making elaborate topiary designs out of his wife's "garden". "This week, we're going to do abstract swirls, and then next week, I'm going to try to get in both an…

I just keep seeing a crotchety old man yelling 'GET OFF MY LAWN' in the context of his wife being the lawn. Fucking dying right now.

He should think of his wife as "a garden" and himself as "the gardener." If you look at your garden and don't like how it looks, Driscoll preaches, just remember: "You are the gardener."

Also, bonus fun:

I love big bulbs.

OH I KNEW THIS WAS COMING.

So tacky, so great. But seriously, can't we compromise? Multicolored for the tree, white for the outside of the house.

People who put bows on trees can fuck right the fuck off. Gimme a tacky ass tree covered in 3 decades worth of accumulated family nicknacks and cheesy childhood craft ornaments and huge multicolored lights any day. This ain't the Macy's.

S- Stay inside

Well, your aunt is a homophobe who doesn't love us. But it's okay; we love you, and she's going to lose her campaign. Please pass the sweet potatoes."

I tip very well. 20% is a base for me. I'm usually in the 25% club, sometimes even a little more.

This. So much this. These types are often employed as 'Youth Pastors' at non-denominational mega churches, where they say they are all about the Holy Spirit while hitting on the high school girls.

Incidentally, I took both tests. For the ladiez, I got "U R DATELESS," yet for the doodz, I got "YOU DA MAN!" Curious.

Can we talk about the silent epidemic that is sweeping the United States? The one that everybody sees and everybody knows about, but the one that nobody wants to talk about?

hahaha "backdoor religious agendas". So many jokes to be made!!!

I'm going to take your comment as an honest inquiry since it suggests you are genuinely unfamiliar with the term. Rape culture doesn't describe a herd constituting every American male, that wanders the countryside assaulting every woman, child, and domesticated animal. It is a larger scale of the toxic work…

Rich white male banker is arrogant, feels entitled to pretty much everything, disregards and abuses others for his own personal gain or amusement.