Me, too. 47 years old.

Feeling melancholy because you’re drunk is not the same thing as depression, and if women don’t have to put up with it from messy men in bars black women absolutely don’t owe conversation to messy drunk white women at the pool.

If my choices are SyFy or Jurassic franchise to watch people get eaten by giant animals I’m going with the latter.

“Lt. Jack Reynolds said the San Diego Sheriff’s Department’s decision was based on the severity of the crime and the fact that they couldn’t come up with any good leads.”

I would like to get through one single day without saying out loud, “Wait, what?”and then having to go collect my eyebrows.

This is ridiculous. This has to be worth a fortune. The request should have been for a donation to provide tuition assistance to kids who attend the school on financial aid.

My only regret about this is that not once in my life have I been that agile.

Like he used a party cannon instead of guns.

2018- A Series of Now Deleted Tweets

HamNo is a fucking twat.

Can you believe this nonsense?!

Somehow not using its feet to tear her to pieces.

I should have scrolled down before commenting. This right here.

Wait-

Why do these guys always look alike?

I’m now an absolute wreck.

Today is my 47th birthday, and my mom died a month ago tomorrow.

Same. I didn’t even read the story yet and I was in tears. I just want to hug him.

Dammit that joke is so old and I still stand here cackling my head off.