Thank you. I feel like the LW is really minimizing the depth of her husband’s fucked-upness, perhaps to preserve her own sanity. Eating disorders are deadly diseases. The fact that he hates her sister for being fat could be detrimental to her recovery and his own daughter’s long term health. 

but the most fun thing would be to start being openly dissatisfied with his sexual performance and ya know, torture him slowly

because his obsessive cruelty won’t stop with one individual.  And they have a young daughter, that’s why.  It’s inaccurate to assume that other than being cruel to one person, he’s really lovely

It enrages the ‘healthy’ to see fat people who are happy and enjoying their best life.  They take it as an assault on all their own efforts to be thin and fit  “I mean, if that fat woman is smiling and eating french fries with her husband, what is all this exercise even FOR?”

He is an absolute piece of miserable shit. I cannot imagine, for the life of me, HOW do you stay married to something like that? I imagine this marriage will not last long. Unless she stays complicit to his evil forever. 

Not only is he controlling, and a dick, but he’s also very dangerous. Shaming her sister, who is in recovery, could very easily trigger a relapse of her eating disorder. And his child will most definitely grow up with body/food-related issues if left in an environment with him.  

Financial aspects for example, and the family situation as well, then you have her health.

“Is that a comparably close relative of his, thus someone who might have standing in a custody dispute over an orphan? Might his family come in to dispute the issue anyway?”

Yep. As I said his fat-phobia wasn’t my only issue. My mom was... not nice. He really was the better parent. But that made his fat phobic comments all the more serious to me. His hatred of fat people was terrifying to me, because he was the only parent who liked me.

Yeah, that’s what kills me. This isn’t just “ugh, I wish she’d lose weight” (also shitty!). This is your husband deciding YOUR SISTER ISN’T A FIT CARETAKER and to me, that’s absolutely fucking shocking. That’s so, so sad and awful to see. I’m always fascinated by what it is about people like this that’s so great…

The craziest part is that girls and women are constantly bombarded with fat-phobic messaging every fucking day of their lives, so it’s entirely unnecessary to add to that even if you believe that bullshit.

I often find fat shamers are men who can shovel whatever they want in their faces and somehow not gain weight (tall skinny folk for example)

The question as asked is how to convince your husband that your sister is healthy even if she’s fat. That’s the wrong question. Your sister is valuable whether or not she’s healthy, whether or not she’s fat. Fuck your husband, and fuck his bigotry.

Fat lawyer here.

Lol omg. I could never with this dude. What is the point to being married if you get married to bad people?

I wonder: what will happen to your husband’s self worth and world view if he’s in an accident or becomes ill, and permanently gains weight?

One of my friends from college had an eating disorder. She told me one day, very matter-of-factly, that her father would call her fat/make comments about her weight.

Honey, he’s willing to literally endanger his daughter’s future and potentially leave her twisting in the wind in the case of a tragedy rather than **gasp** let her aunt care for her in a time of need. You certainly cannot make him love your sister as that is not within your power to control, but you can definitely…

He just sounds so mean. Like really? You wouldn’t leave your kid in her care, just because she’s fat?? I fucking hate people like this. They can’t see beyond people’s weight.

Jesus Christ. Why haven’t men died off yet?