Sadly, no, but it looks like they’re available on eBay for, like, $35.

I had a Nanny doll when I was a kid—it looked a LOT like Fran Drescher and had a button in the back that would say her catchphrases: “Mr. Sheffield!” And things about her mother’s Jazzercise class and control-top pantyhose. My grandmother bought one each for me and my sister.

“As a good boy, I cannot continue to associate with you. Leave me the h*ck alone! 0/10.”

As long as there’s a sequel featuring Sarah Paulson as Grylla, the child-eating giantess of Icelandic folklore.

I don’t have kids, but some friends all decided that Laser Tag would be “SO FUN!!!” and it was full of 9-year-olds and grown-ass men who took it entirely too seriously, so in between rounds I would slink off to the ladies’ room with my purse.

Oh, Jesus. Time to have plans for that night! “Sorry, guys, but I’m reading to the elderly/training llamas/washing my hair”

There’s also my go-to: purse flask! Makes all kinds of activities more fun: Laser Tag, judgmental family dinners, trivia nights.

I bet that donut will taste so much sweeter with that added flavor of JUSTICE.

That grinning baby is EVERYTHING.

Right? I want it, too, but it’s definitely sold out now.

Yeah, Black Pete is...yeah. But hooray for this good thing! I will take it and enjoy it and no one can stop us!

If anyone is sucking their own dick, it’s Paul Ryan because he has no spine.

Right? Like, how shitty is it to refrain from lightly copyediting (as is doubtless standard practice) just because you’ve decided the person is too dumb to be treated with respect? Jane needs to seriously fuck off.

Ooh, I hate these so much! And I say this as someone with multiple monogrammed items—FUCK decorative hand towels. They’re bullshit.

Damn, I need that!

I aspire to owning silpat. As it is, most of my utensils are Christmas presents or things I nicked from old roommates (sorry not sorry, dude, you should have taken out the trash once in three years!)

Wow! That’s really lovely.

Gladly! High five!

Oh, I’ll have to check that out! I’m a big Alcott fan, and visited her house in Concord when I was on a business trip in Boston a few years back.