I would be that person. I absolutely would.

This was how my father realized it was a mistake to bring his morbidly sensitive eight-year-old to see Titanic in theaters: when I wasn’t dying of embarrassment over the car scene (they were doing the sex! On a screen!) I was wracked with silent, hysterical sobs over the Irish children and the old people drowning.

That’s most of what I listen to, along with contemporary stuff in the same vein and a few childhood favorite (like “Feed the World” and “All I Want for Christmas is You”).

I will gladly deal with your mother-in-law! Just be prepared to have to deal with her asking why I spammed her with live texts about each new episode of Riverdale.

Also true! I reported a dude to staff once, and they said they’d handle it. What happened was he followed me (and my friends) out of the bar and spat in my face.

Sadly, not often enough (source: getting spat on two weeks ago after stopping a dude from trying to actually pull my friend away from the group at a bar).

I have a fake name for dudes I don’t want to know! If I meet a dude and he thinks my name is Alison Gibbs/Louisa Lovett/Jenn Willis, then he doesn’t actually know who I am (if that is your real name, I’m sorry I used you)

The sisterhood is real, and I love it. Good on you for living it.

It struck me as dishonest that the entire team blamed the killers’ racism for not hiring the agent from Atlanta. They are all doubtless the sort of people who don’t think of themselves as racist, but can’t seem to understand that refusing to hire someone because they’re black is literally the textbook definition of…

And it’s still on Netflix!

This is it! My mom is a pretty devout Mormon, and growing up I remember being so confused by my dad and stepmother going out for lunch after church on Sundays, because my mom always said “It’s a day of rest, not a day of making work for someone else”. (Also, my stepmom is a bitch and a terrible tipper despite having…

I got bitten by a mosquito on Saturday. It’s LATE OCTOBER. I feel used.

We can be monsters together! I was having a really hard day last week, and so I found a quiet corner and listened to Leslie Odom Jr’s Christmas album before my therapy appointment, and it really did make everything better.

I thought that was really lovely. I don’t go shopping the day after Thanksgiving—it is the day for nursing my carb-hangover, eating pie, and planning my cookie exchange.

The one next to the Columbia Heights metro? Yeah, I’d buy that.

Stingray jousting accident is a thing I’d want to see.

That’s honestly the most reasonable reaction you could have.

100 points to your kid! That’s hilarious!

I’m a big fan of the Tonymoly face masks—you can get 10 for $11 on Amazon!