It was staggeringly cruel. I mean, as someone who wants kids but worries that career/dating struggles won’t make it possible, it felt like this nasty little dagger she had to fling out before closing the door, lest anyone mistakenly think she isn’t an utter piece of shit.

Lawyer? Government employee? Medicine? (Still needed, but licensing’s a bitch)

I once left a horrible date (dude showed up 40 minutes late, wearing a bandana) and as I was walking home from the metro station some dude leaned out of his car and shouted “Ayo miss you look nice tonight!” as I crossed the street. I remembered feeling weirdly vindicated that my catcaller was showing better manners…

Right? Like, I’m a former Mormon. I’m bi. I love Utah—great craft scene and good skiing. I would NEVER move there to try and find a partner! Not least because I’m one of those Democrats he so clearly doesn’t like, but also because I’m from Provo and I fucking know better than to try living in Utah while avoiding ex-Mo…

This is such an intelligent and sensible remark. I have a lot of friends in the foreign service, which necessitates a similar “shit or get off the pot” approach (your boyfriend of two years isn’t getting onto your travel orders to Russia, but your husband is), and while it does end up with some mid-career divorces,…

I only buy it if we find out that Ted Cruz is behind the killings in Riverdale.

I would be okay with it if we got a better sense of the family background. It doesn’t need a whole lot of time, but something to make it feel better-developed.

Yeah, I was expecting Moose to have a jingle-jangle induced seizure to “Season of the Witch” while Midge tries to drive him to the hospital, only to run someone over.

I really love how Betty is exceptionally savage.

I always assumed you would snort it like coke.

I would like every season to include a dance-off, shoehorned in for no good reason.

Precisely! There are reasons her refusal might make sense: maybe she’s never liked Pop’s, maybe it’s controlling her daughter who loves it, maybe she is pushing some evil gentrification scheme that involves robbing Riverdale of its local color in favor of artisanal bullshit downtown. The problem is, they took the…

God. DAMN. I want this to happen.

Also, I seem to recall that Alice was originally from the south side of town? I mean, there’s an interesting story to be told about a white trash girl who married well and whose hyper-controlling nature is rooted in fear of backsliding to the poverty of her upbringing (and those terrifying fucking nuns), but they…

Yes, please!

I was hoping for Moose getting caught with jingle-jangle and sentenced to community service, where he becomes friends with Dilton while helping out with the Scouts.

The only exception: elderly southern women, who can maintain the use of “Mother” and “Daddy” into their 70s.

That’s part of why I wish that Archie had ultimately acknowledged that he isn’t okay—being traumatized after a shooting like that is super normal, and while I was glad Veronica brought it up, on a show that moves as fast as this one, I expected “dark Christopher Nolan Archie” to burn out by the end of the episode.

That would be AMAZING!

ANIMAL SNUGGLES! I’m legit jealous—my lease says no pets.