'This... stuff'? Oh. Okay. I see. You think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select... I don't know... that lumpy blue sweater, for instance because you're trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don't know is…

Can't believe I'm saying this but I'm kinda proud of you, Florida, for doing the right thing here.

He and Michael Fassbender need to have a dance-off and make all of our (wet) dreams come true.

In response to your article about Miley's album release party: It's her party she can do what she wants.

Yassssssssssssss!

I BIND YOU NANCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I think she would really shine on a country/folk album. Won't hold my breath though.

It don't run in our blood.

So you're telling me Kate's a Maxxinista?

I can see your dirty pillows!!!

I bet I can guess the first five notes of Alicia's next song.

Exactly. Especially in this case where you know "who she is" is really what some creepy male record executives want her to be.

Or better yet, maybe he enlists the Papal seagull to dry it by flapping his wings?

And when he says "freshness and fragrance of the gospel" what he really means is the same smell of his papal robe when it's Downy fresh n' warm straight out tha' dryer.

I'm not sure if Jessica Alba is even worthy of an ellipsis.

This staged photo creeps me out. It looks like it was taken in Buffalo Bill's Silence of the Lambs basement. (insert creepy weiner tuck here)

I'm not saying these people weren't a nightmare (and most of the items were obviously their fault), but I have lived in an old house where there were existing damages before I moved in, and a nitpicky old landlord sent me a laundry list of those same damages and other shit I didn't do because she wanted someone else…

It's settled, then. "When she poured, she reigned" will be my epitaph.

{Me screaming to the universe}

I was watching Signs the other night (don't ask) and I thought the same thing. He plays the sweet preacher father in the movie I wanted to love him, but all I could think of were his racist shenanigans and those scary ass voicemails he left for that Oksana woman.