You know that weird sound you make when you're trying to stifle a laugh because you're in an office setting but a piece of it slips out anyway and it sounds like you're choking, so you cough a couple of times afterwards to make people think that you were just clearing your throat and that's what that weird sound was…

If he had any sense, he would point his gun at the real threat: diabetes.

"I'd like to cancel my season tickets to the Astros."

This is the text of the original story, most likely the one Doug Gottlieb first read.

Not Bent Like Beckham

Thank you for your self-service.