But is he strong enough to successfully squeeze a Juicero pouch?

WHY ISN’T THE WHOLE PLANE MADE OF JUICE

This is a nice comment but recall we are Tough On Crime and must remain so even in our brains and internet comments. Nuance is for the enemy.

I just feel sad hearing this.

I don’t know why she’d be surprised that he was just out to score a lot and didn’t care about their team.

I wasn’t even baked and had to scroll through the comments to figure out what I was missing.

Why should you be surprised that he doesn’t use protection? The guy has never played defense once in his life. /deadspin’ed

I’m just curious, if you told them you were leaving and not paying them anymore, would they actually go after you for the missed rent? I know rental laws are normally skewed pretty heavily towards tenants rights to the point that it generally takes a couple months missed payments and a few court orders before you can…

PUT THE CHRIST BACK IN COMMON ERA!

The Shins didn’t even do anything interesting with that shitty, shitty song.

Winner!

I ACTUALLY GASPED OUT LOUD

By “Holiday” do you mean the Good Friday when I hooked up with super hot Alex? Or the Easter Sunday when I met him at the family brunch and learned he was my dad’s half-sister’s son?

He loved the high school girls. He got older and they stayed the same age.

Mine was a quasi-hookup, but bear with me. These dudes who lived together in a house while attending college were close-knit so they had a “post-Christmas” in February, in one of the dudes’ ranch in the countryside. I was invited by my BFF, one of the dudes’ girlfriends, and I was newly single, so I went. There was…

What’s the point of an alcoholic drink whose primary purpose is to get you wasted? Is this like a philosophy class or something?

It will slowly turn you into Boris Yeltsin.