Oh please you just know that guy bitches and moans if he ever has to empty the goddamn dishwasher.

A friend of mine went from a 6.5 to a NINE. Had to throw out all her shoes. And to add insult to injury, after she finished breastfeeding she’d gone from a D cup to an A.

And there would always be a threaded serger and no one would ever ever use any scissors to cut paper!

oh god I am crying

Norway. Apparently they’re fairly standard there.

Oooh I didn’t think of businesses. I’d like a craft store / cafe. Where you could buy materials, and then rent a sewing machine and dress form by the hour, or knit in a big comfy chair with a cup of tea and a scone.

Well I definitely want that shower now.

Wow that person hates everyone.

I get them on fucking word games on my phone. Like, two rounds in suddenly the guy’s photo is a penis. I haven’t even talked to him or spelled a dirty word, give me a break.

They never publish me, the bastards.

You win EVERYTHING. Except the part where that dude has your number.

Wait wait I just noticed the name change. Who called you fake and where can I see the thread.

Honestly the texts that are gonna turn me on the most say things like “I saw you were having a bad day so while you were out I cleaned the kitchen.” SPA-LOOSH!

I have a text from my husband that just says “did you steal all my boxers?” Because yes, I forgot the laundry.

Yeah I just scrolled through like 3 months of Gchat convos with my spouse and they’re all deliberately stupid. We are not so good at the sexting.

This comment is even better with your username :D

says you my crotch place is connected to JESUS

Across the street from my daughter's high school is a cemetery. Past the cemetery is a sex toy shop. I think I like mine better.

Of course like almost half of fertilized eggs don't implant in the uterus for one reason or another anyway, but that's all GOD so it's okay.

I think that your hair falls out afterward because it apparently falls out LESS during. So it seems like you’re going bald but really it’s just your normal 9 month hair loss happening mostly all at once. I shed like a mofo anyway so I didn’t really notice.