Precisely. He's magical; he cures baldness.

Now is a good time remind everyone that Dalton signed a 6-year $115 million deal this offseason.

We need to replace Goodell with someone with integrity and character. Someone like former Bears coach Mike Ditka or even a highly regarded outsider such as Chris Berman or Trent Dilfer. These guys have what it takes to be a leader. I hope the league listens to the voices in my head because I sure do....I sure do.

If being bald and unable to put on muscle meant you had cancer, the Hasselbeck brothers would've died 15 years ago.

Shut up Rusto! We can't have people seeing this. They're terrible, terrible cars remember?

There's a guy who lives around the corner from me. In his garage is a last-gen Viper ACR, current gen Viper, Maserati coupe, and a Tesla Model S. He daily drives an older Expedition.

2015 Mustang.

Tesla: The Official Car of Your Ex-Husband

Lincoln

Go sit.

Celebratory gif time!

Chris Harris writing for Jalopnik?

Welcome aboard. Harris! And a hell of a coup, Matt...

He is my long lost, surprisingly short twin brother.

Monkey Harris? On Jalopnik?!