Next time just shoot them.

We live in a pretty nice area of town, we get hundreds of kids and they make out like bandits.

Butter was fantastic.

Alternatively, I will give you ten bucks for a haircut.

Is that a super-nerdy dick joke?

Snickers.

Just grab ‘em by the toe shoes.

I don’t think you understand. I’m advocating for a constitutional amendment that will allow us to suckerpunch man bun wearers.

“nice hipster man-bun”

Fuckin’ cats. ;(

It also helps distract from the fact they live in 10,000+ square feet houses.

Yeah, little dudes have a hard time finding partners because they all have huge dicks.

Clean your room.

An accessory does not a costume make.

It’s Glen’s fault, everyone.

A horsetail buttplug is NOT a costume.

Our local pediatric dentists give the best goddamn candy. We’re talking multiple full sized candy bars. And none of that Milky Way crap.

She’s a very disturbed young woman.

Her talent is wasted writing about anyone but Joan Cusack.

The worst part is that she’s a very good writer.