Finally, Ryan Gosling found the only location no lady would ever spot him: the Bucknell gridiron.

Jesus Ian, it says Cannondale, not Cannonball.

Also making peers look foolish with his handle: me. :(

I guess someone has never heard of the First Amendment.

Well, he is a kind of a football Pope - looking the other way while workers in Qatar get fucked in the ass.

I don't always accept bribes from FIFA Delegates, but when I do I set a standard rate of 3.25 million USD payable only by wire transfer using an encrypted satellite feed contained in the briefcase held by my assistance for only such necessary occasions, and a variable plan with interest in quarterly installments if…

"I would love to make some noise, but I'm a little, um, shy."

-Alberto Callaspo

The contrast between the two singers shows us how much difference high-end gear can make. In this case, the Beyta 87 is obviously better than the SMDH-58.

Mercury Fan: Oh my GOD! That was nasty! She is nasty! Good Lord, that's frightening! Can you imagine being matched up with THAT? If I'm any other woman in this league, I want NO part of her!
Glory Johnson: [Frowns; sniffles, just a little]

This is not fair at all. Unfortunately, I can't declare bankruptcy after purchasing a ridiculous amount of alcohol, because I did it with money from student loans.

You know who else loved a boys and girls club? Jeffery Dahmer.

[has fractured rib]

Guess they'll be down a man for their next game

I'm the lead engine developer. I honestly didn't do it for any kind of political agenda or to make any kind of statement. I did it because the Sega Dreamcast was my favorite console growing up, and I literally taught myself how to code C and C++ just to develop games for it. It launched my engineering and game…

He had a clinical finish.

On the other side it's signed "To Tupac."

If you hit one of his teammates in the forehead, you better believe you're going to get some serious jawing from Peyton.

Codified by Dave Berry with The Waiter Rule: "If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person."

Did your years on the job leave you with any lingering health issues (sleep disorders, or digestive problems, e.g.)? Or are you simply too advanced in age to properly deal with, say, lower-GI processes?

There once was a man from Nantucket. He, well, couldn't swim.