cursed franchise.

“Yank Scouser’s Lallana tattoo is both dumb and the dog’s bollocks.”

The Folding Table Emporium and Zubaz Outlet.

I can’t even here the word “Arizona” without it making me want 3 fingers of bourbon.

Ohio is beer.

Philadelphia; gin.

Is this the movie poster for Rocky IV Loko?

Dude. We liked Rajon Rondo when he was here. Rajon Fucking Rondo. Nobody’s going to hate anybody on one of our sports teams until they leave then we’ll trash them regardless of race.

I had the game on last night while my wife was making dinner. The following conversation ensued:

Wait for the surprise fourth act, “John Wall Tore His Achilles And I’m Going To Walk Into The Ocean Forever,” probably debuting any minute now.

Albert & The Wizards - A Three Act Play: 

Kyle Shanahan would have thrown a couple more passes.

“Amortization schedules, how the fuck do they work? And I don’t wannna hear from no economist, y’all giving my jobs to foreigners and gettin’ me pissed.”

Coach Krzyzewski: I’m back!

Sorry I couldn’t get passed Luke DeCock...you think he can say his own name 10 times fast without a Freudian slip?

If I saw those catches in a Madden game, I’d be like, “Okay, EA Sports... let’s take it down a notch.”

Dude... He was going to be drafted by the Browns until the Falcons traded up for him. He should be thanking the Lord literally every single day of his life for the Falcons.

DEADSPIN STAFF! My dried up craisins can’t take any more of this. My last 3 orgasms were literally dust. You have to give it a rest!

Human decency’s lead over neo-Nazis.

America’s lead over foreign coups.

Lincoln didn’t even stay for the end of the play.

Trump has a hole in one? Come on! We all know the caddy dropped that fucking ball in the hole before everyone got to the green.