If dog kisses are what kill me, then I win.

Exactly. Making this mistake is pretty much announcing that you don’t read very much.

Do you teach the aftermath? Because it’s studying the aftermath of a handful of revolutions that’s got me so freaked out with the current state of affairs. 

Looking back on the two biggest mistakes I’d warn my younger self about, I’d hesitate to give said warning to other people.

And the ones for people in their 40s assume we’re married and have kids. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

I switched school districts between 8th and 9th grades and as a result I never got any pre-Renaissance history. I’ve made up some of the difference through self-study but still have some glaring gaps. I’m glad no one was there when I realized “OHHHHHH! The Norman invaders of England were from Normandy, FRANCE!!!!!…

Ride a bike. It’s a matter of great contention which parent said I couldn’t. Sounds a lot more like my mom than my dad but she says it was him.

Should of, could of, would of.

“Why Does Everyone Refuse to Wear Sunscreen?”

Freely use dairy milk when my recipe calls for plant milk. Not dead yet. (I’m not allergic, though.)

My result was “you have to decide for yourself whether you’re rich.” :D

I still want to know how many “million dollar bras” they ever sold.

It will never happen, but the judge and the lawyers will hate me if they ever ask my opinion on the death penalty because it’s not a simple issue for me.

I’d like to dispel the myth that in regards to state law (as opposed to federal), there are hard and fast rules about anything. State laws vary. Sometimes by quite a bit. Take it with a big grain of salt when, e.g., your bro-in-law in Maryland tells you anything about family law and you live in Oregon.

I only just used cruise control for the first time in my life, LOL. Let’s say I won’t be a self driving car early adopter.

I signed up for credit score monitoring with them when they were the only game in town. Now I get about four emails a month with my credit score, LOL. Anyway, they sent me an e-mail the day after the CapitalOne breach hit the news. They didn’t specifically say CapitalOne, but it was easy to connect the dots.

David Blaine needs to make a comeback so instead of spelling my last name, I can go back to saying “like the illusionist.” (You’d be surprised how many people can misspell it.)

I was relieved when Aziz Ansari did a bit on “every been super busy but then wonder if Home Alone 2 made more money than Home Alone and needed to Google it RIGHT NOW?” Because that was when I realized it’s not just me.

I fear that messages such as “be selfish” and “be confident” are taken to heart by people who shouldn’t do so (and already unbearable) and can’t be taken to heart by the people who would benefit from doing so.

“Inside every cynic is a disappointed romantic.” -Unknown (To me. May be known to someone but I didn’t check because I’m lazy.)