When you aren't cooperative with the police; this is what happens.

Wait, is this a call for stories about dudes we met online, or just the terrors of TRYING to meet someone online? Nasty emails, etc? If it's the former, OOOOOH I've got a dude. I've got a dude to talk about. If it's the latter, I got nothin.

All the Cleveland surfers read this and laaaaaaugh.

I better go tell my vagina-having bike messenger friends to put on some heels, then.

Colored? Enjoying your time on the internet today, Grandpa?

Oh, I've definitely had an attachment to fictional characters before. But I think a line is crossed when you just bring them up in casual conversation and talk about their lives like they're real people you actually know. It was all a little too Uncanny Valley for me.

I once dated a guy who was REALLY into TV, and it drove me nuts. He would talk about characters from these shows like they were real people that he actually knew, like "Oh, Lana is so pissed at blah blah blah oh man what will happen...." type shit. I didn't even have cable at the time so I never knew who he was…

It's very, very hard, nigh impossible, for most Americans to imagine what these people are fleeing. The lack of sympathy shown towards migrants in our society, a lack of sympathy demonstrated openly, frequently, and without remorse, is proof positive of this. Migrants are seen by a large swath of our society as being…

More importantly, will this effect their ability to do the Mambo like they're crazy?

Those stupid hats he's wearing. Why?

Oh yeah, I'd hit that. Felonies and all.

Yes! So glad! That's exactly what you have to do: Stop second-guessing yourself. If it's something you want, just do it. It's really not as big a deal as you've made it out to be, believe me. Hell, my tattoo is the entire inside of my forearm and half the time I forget it's there. I haven't had a single second of…

Uh, they don't 'allow' it. Sometimes kids hit. Sometimes they hit parents, sometimes they hit other kids. Is it okay? No. Should they be punished for it? Absolutely. But the only way to ensure it never, ever happens is to tie a kid's hands up. I have a three and a half year old son and sometimes, when he gets really…

A couple weeks ago, while we were sitting in our car, bored, waiting for some takeout to be ready, my boyfriend had me pull up Yelp and read some of the negative reviews for our favorite (and locally very popular) restaurant. There were only two or three bad reviews out of over a hundred. The best one was by some…

Don't ever feel bad for wanting to go to Harry Potter World. It's amazing. It's magical and amazing and the rollercoaster inside the giant fiberglass Hogwarts is fanfuckingtastic and the butterbeer, my god, THE BUTTERBEER, I don't know what's in it but it's probably heroin and unicorn blood, and the last time we went…

Tip: If you try to order this in a coffee shop, the barista will kill you.

It's a Christopher Guest movie with venomous insects that bite you while you're watching, for added realism.

I'm late to this party, but I gotta say, I recently got my first tattoo, and I am fucking THRILLED about it! I wanted one for years, and waited and waited, and second-guessed myself for so many stupid reasons. My family is CRAZILY anti-tattoo and I knew my mother would freak and I didn't want to deal with that, and…

Slather your face with layers of silicone! Do it every day! Then buy EVEN MORE MAKEUP to cover up the clogged pores and zits and redness caused by slathering your face with chemicals every day! Yay!

You aren't alone. My son is three and a half and I often feel this way. Part of it is that I'm sort of a stay at home mom by default- we can't afford childcare and there aren't any jobs in our area that pay enough to offset the cost, and we're stuck in this area until my partner is done with school- and it's just…