“Attention everyone... the punch has been spiked!

Has there ever been a lamer time to be in college than right now?

As a gay man, I’d like to apologize on behalf of our community to everyone who makes an effort not to be offensive, makes a slip-up, and gets pummeled to death by every queer person within range.

let’s make fun of people caring about sexual orientation 

I feel like the PS4 only just came out. This time acceleration shit is for the birds. 

Seems like a dumb prank that mostly inconvenienced the staff at that AMC more than anyone else.

Why does nobody know how to hop a fence

Do...these people not understand what a balloon is? Have they never seen one before? Why would they think hitting a balloon with a stick would pop it?

My mom never had baby showers. She and my aunt were always like, “Ugh, no.” Not an exciting comment, but a true comment. 

I’ve thought more about this. It’s going to end with the dinosaur dying and me sobbing like a child over a cartoon dinosaur, isn’t it?

Well, fuck me. Mainline it right into my jugular.

I just wish Futurama’s contribution of murderology and murderonomy had also taken off.

The fact that her powers center around a made-up word from a 23-year-old Simpsons episode that somehow made its way into Merriam-Webster warps my fragile little mind.

Finally, a way to consume alcohol.

Are they marketing this as some strange message to the parents of the children that died from Tide Pods.

Ah, I see this is your first time on the internet, welcome!

You guys ever heard the term”Crossing the line” in the context of cutting two or more cameras for an interview?

Raise your hand if you, like me, saw Inspector Gadget in the theater.

Aaaaaaaand the whole point of this article was to use this sentence “sexually frustrated dude online” somewhere.. Good job, Maria. You’ve let out your frustration with males.

“...including the one that donned the costume of The Joker himself before opening fire on an Aurora auditorium:”