On a related note, the real Marshawn Lynch is funnier.

He was a villain for a couple episodes in Season 1 of Justified, wasn't he?

There really isn't a day where the Oregon coast says "Don A Bikini." More "Put On An Extra Sweater, Cripes, It's July And I'm Freezing My Ass Off, Hey, Was That A Whale?"

Constant vigilance. Always have a pair of unappealing sweatpants nearby to throw over your whore-slacks. It's the only way.

Whelp, I was going to hang out in my sexy sexy sex pants (stained in not one, but two places with Nutella) and watch season two of The Fall while my daughter is at a sleepover, but I guess I'd better change. Perhaps I can find some non-lustful dungarees somewhere. I mean, it's just me and the dogs here, but you never…

Dateline tells me to wipe down the hotel remote with bleach before using it because of all the fecal matter, but Lena Dunham tells me to motorboat that ass. Mixed messages, yo.

Hopefully the coach will be a little more specific in the future when he calls for the runs.

He was acting in defense of another.

"SMH, go 29-0, but lose one game and people don't know how to act."

Chip Kelly trying to finish a five-year contract in only two just shows his commitment to tempo.

This. I headlined it poorly. http://deadspin.com/dan-snyders-di…

Greg has the power to control gravity. He can only increase it, though.

I love reddit:

Call me crazy, but I don't think this trivializes the victim at all. Are these dudes paragons of the feminist mindset? No, probably not. But I think its helpful to remind people, loudly and with choreography, that Winston is a scumbag rapist.

I have to disagree. I think they were calling out a fucking rapist who has been gloating and getting put on a goddamn pedestal because he is (usually) good at a stupid game. They handed said rapist his head in the game and then told him karma is a bitch. That's okay by me.

As someone who has been involved in anti-sexual violence work for over 20 years and was seriously dismayed at the circus that FSU turned their "investigation" (cough, cough) into in order to protect a football player and someone who will earn millions of dollars for the university . . . I actually think that shaming…

Oh! Messy hair! OSCAR TIME!

Perhaps your female teachers were simply less patient with how you tried to participate in discussions without doing the reading.

Rip off his goddamn tusk (single tusk like a pussy) and stab that beast in his devil heart. That's how I'd do it.