Still haven’t forgiven him for Dale’s death. You had one job, Carl, stay in the goddamned house.

Sometimes, I yell “Stay in the house, Carl,” while watching TWD, just for old times’ sake. He’s shaping up okay, though.

I’d rather not. Kim kan keep Kanye.

Justin Bieber’s friends say he doesn’t drink or do drugs anymore.

Rose’s mother, Dorothy, joined in and held a sign that referenced Kanye West who, in a February interview said: “It’s very hard for a woman to want to be with someone that was with Amber Rose, I had to take 30 showers before I got with Kim.” Men are incredibly dumb and this is a good sign.

That is pretty amazing. It would go well with my other purchase, the fox shaped cookie jar.

DO IT

I am 100% sure that I need chickens in scuba gear in my life right NOW.

Just bought this little cutie from West Elm. I love ducks.

I know him as “the Douche.” As in “Crazy Ira and the Doooouche” from Parks and Rec. Also he’s on the League. But to me, he’ll always be The Douche.

Welcome them? They’re already here and have a supreme ruler

I welcome our future androgynous overlords tbh

Yeah I saw a bunch of comments about this on facebook. “It’s so sad that we live in a time where we would do this to our children”, “how will kids understand what’s for boys and what’s for girls”, “WHY IS EVERYONE SO CONCERNED ABOUT BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!”.

Related but unrelated story. I got upgraded to first class for a cross country flight about a dozen years ago. Sean Astin was in the row ahead of me, across the aisle, post-Rudy/pre-LOTR fame. He was a nice guy. Loud and a bit much with the ego, but he talked with everyone else in first class, was super friendly to…

The lyrics are so full of nuance... it’s hard to tell.

Jesus. People have made racist comments to me at work (and still do) I simply have chosen not to FUCKING MURDER SOMEONE! I’m so disgusted right now.

“Sorry guys, I couldn’t come up with a good enough reveal with the box opening, so I’m just gonna keep it locked and pretend it’s your fault despite the ludicrous amounts of data scraping and OCD pixel hunting you guys have been doing relentlessly. Remember it’s your fault and I’m disappointed in you!”

My dad was the VP of Sales and Marketing for Software Toolworks, and Mavis was mostly his creation. I now work in advertising, and I’ve always loved having this insider knowledge, but now I’m glad the world knows, too.

I once got into SO MUCH TROUBLE in my computer class for putting the Oregon Trail floppy disk into my Apple II instead of Mavis Beacon. I got sent to the Principal’s office and everything. Also, I got dysentery and died, so it was a pretty bad day, all in all.

“ultimately the role we play together as parents feels more important than my splitting us up so that I can seek out potential pussy options”