Reading those tweets from the President of the United States just reminded me, once more, that on some level I still literally do not believe any of this is real. This can’t be real life. I know greed and evil and discrimination have been around forever and probably always will. But has it ever been this...farcical?…

Yeah, I know, a single-digit loss in a district R’s won by 20 points last year, blah blah blah. Anybody else depressed as fuck right now? We are stuck with Trump and his evil brethren for the foreseeable future, and if there’s anything worse than Trump, it’s Trump thinking he won something. That’s Trump at maximum…

I cannot help but think “he must be SO BAD at sex” every time I see him

Ew. He looks like he’d struggle to benchpress a kitten.

I’ve always been self conscious of “working out while fat” and everyone says “No one cares. No one is looking at you” and then this harpy shows up and assures me that yes, they are looking and they do care. It’s like when I was a kid and embarrassed to undress in front of my pediatrician. My mom said ‘he’s a doctor!…

These treasonous goons in both houses of Congress are not only unconcerned about a foreign government’s potential collusion to interfere in the US elections but they are using the public attention on them to pass through unvetted bills that will devastate many millions.

I love beer. Alcoholism is present on both sides of my family tree, so I’ve always consumed it enthusiastically, albeit moderately. But after the disastrous election last fall, having a beer with dinner grew from an occasional indulgence to a daily routine. In the last six months, my anxiety has reached an…

It’s absurd watching these sportswriters turn themselves into pretzels to avoid the obvious. Strip away all their bullshit and here are the facts: a black quarterback who once started a Super Bowl began protesting this country’s racial injustices and then (probably) never played in the league ever again. I despair for…

Fuck Don Zimmer

I suspect he’s very well-rehearsed at how to call who what in public.

No love for 2000's seminal “Bring It On”?

Right? With all the murdering she’s done while in the spotlight I can’t imagine how many killings she’s done since the election. Gotta be at least two before breakfast. I’ll be stunned if anyone on this thread is alive tomorrow...

Mitch’s Wikipedia page was temporarily changed to replace human references to turtle. His high school years were described as his family moved to Kentucky as a teenaged mutant ninja turtle.

You think the author of the AHCA, the guy who buddied up to Trump the second he won the nomination...is going to have an ounce of credibility come 2020?

Sounds like my ex, Mark.

Aight, here’s the thing: what if your hoppin’ John is better than the one that somebody’s grandmama brought? What you gonna do then? What’s anybody gonna do? It’s gonna be weird, is what. Why even put the whole cookout in that situation?

Turn it over, put some aluminum foil on it, it'll do if you run out of plates.