Does anyone really need two phones?

“If he’s so white, why wasn’t he lined up as quarterback?” -Officer on the scene.

Fugazi. And the same. From 13 songs. Almost 30 years old.

Pugnacious pugilist pounding on cars - the coach cleaned his clock! The unfortunate fellow fell afoul of a flagstone. Medical mitigations made no motion; gosh - guy’s gone.

This could be a very bad season for Chelsea.

The audio is not in crystal clear Dolby 7.1, so that's all the evidence they need to determine that this is all fake news. 

That LinkedIn Maven/#disruptive brandspeak that he’s developed since the Grantland years is just insufferable.

Slurp that coffee back up, my guy. Steven Adams is a really good center! 

You’re absolutely correct. We should start punishing teams for being proactive and prescient drafting. Only tanking and making an excuse for losing should be allowed (The Process). Drafting Curry 7th, Thompson 11th, Green in the second round. All players that were drafted that others could have had but didn’t pick that…

Are there any other old guys who watch significantly less (or no) football than they used to because of injuries? I used to watch all the time and barely watched more than a handful of quarters last year. I just really found it harder to stomach as I’ve gotten older. I think about the injuries I’ve seen in just recent…

No, just not funny.

Can’t get in trouble if you are adding -er, -y or -s to a last name.

I thought we were an autonomous collective.

Copying your job description is better than nothing, but for most positions higher than entry-level, this is terrible advice, because it ignores your accomplishments in favor of your duties. “Ran reports” is a duty. “Redesigned sales commission report to reduce time required to generate by 75%” is an accomplishment.

A bag of heroin short of the cycle.

standing around like fucking idiots while their Designated Ball User dribbles a Morse Code War and Peace into the hardwood in 22-second chapters.

I know nothing about soccer but the Galaxy have Zlatan so the Galaxy are the coolest team in the world.

Ironically enough, TJ Miller actually had a bomb is his bag.

“I don’t get any of it but what can I do? I’m not going to complain about it because I have zero power.”