“Although I’m sure his replacement would be almost as bad so it’s cold comfort at best.”

I posted this under my previous burner, but that burner appears to have been Kinja’d. Forgive me if this story appears twice:

Well done.

Hey, can I pop into this thread to request a fart stories week? Because I can’t be the only vagina-haver that has noticed that our farts sound SO MUCH GROSSER than dudes when they go up the front and seem to bubble out the top of our labia. My man thinks it’s hilarious, thank God, but I had to hold it in to the point…

So I was in grad school, dating my (now husband) new boyfriend who was visiting me for the weekend. I was totally trying to maintain the Melania Illusion that we could spend a weekend together in my apartment and I didn’t poop. Well, that came to a screeching halt one night when I stealth pooped in the bathroom,…

So I think I was about thirteen and getting ready to go to school. Problem was I was constipated. Not a big problem so I just had some prune juice. Still no movement. So I had some exlax. Still nothing. So I asked my dad for a depository. And whatdyaknow nothing happened. So maybe I’ll just go to school and wait to…

Haha, I won this pissing contest last time. My pooping in public story: http://jezebel.com/i-think-i-can-win-this-i-pooped-my-pants-at-disneyland-1634152679

When I was a kid we used to drive back and forth from Rochester New York to Chicago to visit my grandparents every summer. It’s an 11 hour drive and with two kids and lunch and pee stops it can get drawn out. So we’re in Indiana,90 degrees, an hour away from my Grandma’s and we’re stuck in construction traffic. My…

I’ve been lurking in the Jezzie comments section for years, but I just had to create a burner and jump in on this one today. I was cackling like a hyena while reading the comments, thinking, “Gosh, I wish I had a story to post”. And then I remembered that I do.

I was about 10-11 yrs old and hated every moment of being in India...we would go every other summer from the States to visit my extended family of cousins, uncles, grandparents). It was a hot summer day and one of the few joys I got was eating Pani-Puris (It consists of a round, hollow puri-fried crisp and filled…

I have a stomach issue, so when I have to poop, I have to go right then. Last summer, my family had just eaten breakfast out. We were driving home and I just knew I wasn’t going to make it. I had shorts on but, otherwise, full commando. My husband pulled into a truck stop. I wiggle-walked in and asked the lady for the…

Not technically “in public,” but... So one day, I ordered out for lunch and enjoyed a substantial meal before walking over a mile to a friend’s house. The peristaltic contactions from eating, plus the exercise, naturally caused the urge to shit. I managed to control the urge until I got to my friend’s place. As soon…

Usually I’m annoyed about run-on sentences, but this was masterful.

1) I was at Sunday school and the teacher was making waffles b/c when you are really little Sunday school is just about keeping the kids busy while the grownups hear the real sermon. I had to pee but I had never seen a waffle being made before and didn’t want to miss seeing it happen. I held out long enough to see…

I had an aunt who died young, leaving three young sons, and they grew up to be amazing, sweet and lovely men. We didn’t see them often, maybe once every few years, so when the youngest got married my sister loaded my parents, me, and my two kids into her minivan and we went to the wedding on a beautiful spring day. We…

I just remembered this one too.

I had a colonoscopy scheduled for the day after and I had to take all these laxatives. It was also the last day my long distance boyfriend was in town.(he lived on the other side of the world) My thought process was: the laxatives will take at least 10 hours to work, he’s going to be on a plane by that time.

I don’t remember this but my parents insisted this happened when I was six. We lived in South Dakota at the time. My dad and I liked to fly kites together. The place we lived was perfect for it with wide open fields. My dad was holding the kite and I told him I had to pee. He said go ahead because he assumed I would…

I read a comment on Buzzfeed once that went into details about how this girl had gone on a date and made it back to the guy’s house only to have to poop. She did but the toilet clogged and there was no plunger nearby. She grabbed toilet paper and wrapped it carefully, then PUT IT IN HER PURSE, then returned to the…

Handling one’s own poo is a fascinating experience, isn’t it? The guy I was seeing was taking a shower in my bathroom and I didn’t want to shit in there with him — I wasn’t really embarrassed, per se (he was a squatter, so I know he’d seen/heard far worse and wouldn’t judge) I just knew this shit was going to be a…