Bite your tongue! *applies facial cream*

When he was talking about how he stole the victory in his biggest case, he might as well have said “And I’m only two weeks to retirement.”

Also, being asked if your friend can date your ex should pretty much always be translated to “do you mind that I’m already dating your ex?”

Lesbians are not allowed to have cell phones dammit!!!

There has to be the promise of a reality show behind this, too. I’m betting there will be cameras following every step of the way for an “in depth, behind the scenes look at what it really takes to run a campaign,” blah, blah, blah, complete with quiet tears behind closed doors, lots of supportive hugs from her…

Honestly, the more likely situation is “Caitlyn Jenner, hopeless has-been fame addict, agrees to publicity stunt in order to squeeze out just a tiny drop more of public attention, and hires most effective ass-polisher to buff her backside for interim.”

Honestly this show should be mandatory viewing for every 14 year old. I can’t think of anything else that does a better job of saying “this is how you should treat other people in life.”

“Is it worth signing up for Apple TV just for this show?”

I mean, Tarantino’s a pretty well established shitheel at this point, too, isn’t he? This doesn’t particularly surprise me, given that he defended Roman Polanski, turned a blind eye to Harvey Weinstein, and acted abusively toward women acting in his movies. Tarantino seems 100% like he would be the guy in the car who…

People who pull a “fuck you, I’m leaving this cursed website!” tantrum and then immediately come back like “hi guys, didja miss me???” are among the most obnoxious, thirsty ass, annoying dorks on earth.

We all have at least one friend who does this this, and it’s just so fucking embarrassing. I already thought Chrissy…

I’m puzzled as to why someone would take a glamour selfie in front of a bathroom stall.

Adults who are into Disney... are weird. Just weird. It’s not normal.

They’re a little off, right? It’s not just me who sees this?

This. The healthier I got emotionally the less energy I had for drama in any venue. I can’t imagine the shock of going from tipsy Twitterer to sober Twitterer. 

Yup. I’ve nervously refreshed a few of these Jez articles about her lately expecting to see lots of comments like “but she’s nice - why are you all so mean?”

I don’t think she’s a terrible human being at all. But she’s trying to be all things in a way she simply cannot be; a person trying to be the living embodiment of…

This. She means well, she just has kind of an obnoxious personality (and a massive thirst for attention, but that’s pretty much a given in that world).

I think Chrissy Teigen made the right choice in abandoning Twitter. She was trying to position herself as a “benevolent” Kardashian and that paradox was starting to damage her brand. You can’t be down-to-earth and also whine about how hard it is to be rich. That whole family leans into being vapid and it seems as if…

Im gonna get ROASTED for this but I gotta get this off my chest:

I haven’t been able to find the Infinity Stones. The moment I do, I’ll snap all the men away.

Because, against all reason, women like the LW keep fucking them.