Oh, dear God.

YOU TELL HER NO RIGHT NOW, you hear me?? You can’t have those creepy ass porcelain dolls around you OR your sweet babies. No.

My bestie and i have a date for this Saturday night for our annual go-see-a-scary-movie together tradition. I can’t even tell you how much I love this shit with her, truly, some of my happiest moments.

I just texted myself those podcast names so I can look them up tomorrow, they sound right up my alley—especially for SPOOKY OCTOBER. Should tide me over till the Jez Halloween spooky story contest.

But what about the fact that he never called her cell phone ever again after she died? He supposedly didn’t know she was dead, but boom, never calls her phone again. That’s the part that screamed MUUUURRRRRDERERRRRR to me.

Do you have any rec’s for nail strengtheners?

Thank you for responding reasonably because AHSFOU HA:FU AOWRI HB”OAI DJAS:IFJ ABW”RIJA:KCHJ :WHU:A is all I could come up with.

I have reached my full fucking capacity for Asshole Behavior. I AM FUCKING DONE.

Holy fucking shit, her poor parents.

Mannn, I can really go down the wormhole, too, when I think like that. We should drink hard alcohol together and get really depressed.

FUCK OFF, BAD FRIENDS!!!

I’m trying to start a new thing: Momster, a Monster who is also YOUR MOM!!!! Get it?

Wow. My Mom was the kindest human on the planet, full of pure love for everyone (the only exceptions were Rush Limbaugh and George W. Bush). Why, Universe, did you take my sweet Mama from this earth but leave this Momster?

Do we know he bought it?

I just want to go to Bora Bora so badly. SO BADLY. Hut over water, please.

You know it. Her parents are spouting this crap off all day, every day. Meanwhile, I made my sons attend my lecture on “What White Privilege Means.” Attendance was mandatory, as they were strapped into my minivan and had no chance of escape, plus I turned the radio off and took the older one’s phone away to ensure…

Honestly. I wish time travel were really a thing just so we could leap into the future and watch her face after she reads her first bit of black history.

I could be arrested for DUI the way my car swerves when I’m reaching for the dial whenever their song comes on when I’m driving.

Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss! It’s such a major butt-kicker to lose a parent. Some people get it and some people don’t. And now for some unsolicited advice from a stranger on the internet: the first year is so damn hard with everything being “the first fill-in-the-blank without Dad.” When someone told me to watch…

No, there was no way he could’ve cold read me—not possible. It was a packed theatre. Even if he got my name, googled me, found my Mom’s obit—-that could’ve happened. BUT the freakiest part was where he asked, “are you the only daughter? Wait, an only child? No, the closest one to her. Why were you always alone? I see…