magpieblue
maggie.blue
magpieblue

Where I am, it’s local expert foragers who pick the ones in restaurants. They see what they can find and sell it to the chefs. No busboys are harmed

Les Miserables would have been a lot shorter if Jean Valjean would have just explained that he didn’t know the bread was a sentimental item.

“Always arrive early and stay late without being asked.”

MOST IMPORTANTLY SEPTEMBER 4 IS MY BIRTHDAY. THANKS, NETFLIX, FOR THE PRESENT.

Men shouldn’t have sex if they’re not prepared to accept that the woman may get an abortion.

Like he’s gonna sit there and tell us that every time he’s had sex, he was 100% making a lifelong commitment. Bull. Shit.

Now playing

Did you peep the “what a load of bullshit” look during the zoom in/close-up at the 4:10 mark?

Obligatory:

He needs to be in a tank top and something like bike shorts and show as much skin as the women. Or put the women in black pants and white T-shirts. Nice to have a guy but nice is not enough. The women are much more sexualized than he is. 

I wish Every student showed up the next day with a bandanna on. Nothing brings kids together like a display against authority.

If we White folk just keep calling the police on Black folk going about living their daily lives, then someday, somewhere, we will thwart a crime. It might take a while, it might even take years, but it’s bound to happen! Of course we will disrupt some lives in the process, and we might even get somebody killed. But

I’ve never even tried to put in contacts. My family seems to have a biological aversion to them, including my brother spending two hours at an eye doctor trying to get one contact in and everyone giving up.

WHITE PEOPLE

I’m so glad they didn’t redact the posters’ names or anything. People like this need to be shamed, and criminally charged.

When my boyfriend and I were seeing the Utah national parks, the park service rates the hikes on the pamphlet thingie. I was all freaked out to do a “hard” hike, but bf was like “uhh that’s just to scare all the dumb people who have never hiked before. It’s not actually hard.” And... he was right...

The kids are fucking fine

I used to call my daughter “Gruntlepiggie” because of her enthusiastic nursing sounds and the absolute paroxysms of delight she emitted as I freed her food.  We should all feel such joy.

See that’s just it. A special teams coach whipped his dick out to piss in a cup on national tv last season and every man I knew collectively shrugged. No big deal. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

It’s good that you realize that this is probably something you shouldn’t bring up with your wife. One thing you can tell yourself though is that the noises your baby makes while they eat are definitely less disruptive than the baby crying in the middle of the church because they’re hungry.