This is the most streets ahead comment I’ve ever seen.

It’ll turn out fine. Dr. Phil will clap back, the comments will throw shade, they’ll break the internet and it’ll be rufus. Fetch!

When someone (always family; I do not choose to befriend people who would throw a party like this) mentions one, I respond with questions about how they were able to make contact with their unborn child years into the future to know what gender(s) they are. Which does at least usually solve the problem of them talking…

When I was growing up gender reveals didn’t involve explosions, just a trench coat and a bus stop.

Venture Bros. is better than Rick and Morty!

It turns out Chidi’s Bad Place is being forced to choose between eating a bowl of stew or wearing a bracelet. He knows the choice is incredibly important, but has no significant data on which to decide which outcome is morally better.

You fuck it, like a proud, non-bracelet-wearing man.

(Hint: it’s not Adam Carolla)

“Babe, he’s so nutty he would give Mr. Peanut anaphlaxis, ok? I mean, this cat has so many nuts rolling around up there he makes Lance Armstrong look like George Washington Carver, amirite?”

It turns out that the real bracelet was the stew we ate along the way

Renal transplant surgeons? Yeah, they do have lame takes.

You know who’s not having trouble getting a stew going, baby?

It’s truly shameless. Now those 400,000 people on Instagram who liked his video are at risk of contracting the coronavirus. 

Given that employers frequently find ways to drop their employees as soon as they stop being fully functioning, work-around-the-clock automatons, and dare to have anything going on outside their work life that might distract from their all-consuming work, I don't blame him one bit.

No, I think there’s at least one group who are villains, and they’re the ones who are trying to marginalize trans women.

Also, don’t bite the heads off any bats. Good advice for any time, but even more so given our current situation.

*Dennises Quaid

This is an odd point to make when CK is right there playing with the other kids, because one of the most popular kids around invited him over. There’s no “we” here. We aren’t making a collective decision on CK, a bunch of individuals are, and many of those individuals just aren’t ever going to forgive CK. Many others,…

Yeeeeah. I was aiming for a tone like that of Stephen Colbert, but I landed on Tucker Carlson. I think the lesson here is to never be impressed with your own writing.