If you see a pristine, never used bar of soap in my bathroom next to the sink, it is because I put it out for company to use. Use it.

I haven’t had any problems with it. It feels exactly the same to me.

Why are people so eager to board a plane? Once you’re at the gate, they aren’t going to take off without you, and the less time you spend in an airplane seat the better.

Drying feet and wrapping my hair in a tee shirt before exiting definitely reduces the amount of water that falls on the floor.

I’m the kind who really should put a new mat down every week, but I don’t do laundry as often as I mean to. But, um, I dry off on the mat. The shower is too humid and I start sweating before I even get dry, plus there is the worry that my towel will touch the gross wall of the shower, or the gross shower curtain…

Bellflower is very...suburban Midwest in its attitude. The area in general had a huge number of Midwestern transplants in the mid 20th century, and I would say Bellflower is doing its best to stay that way in the 21st centiry.

I’ve powdered my inner thighs to decrease friction on hot days, and I powder under my boobs sometimes, but no, I never tried it on genitalia. I’ve now switched to the cornstarch kind for my aforementioned uses.

“Wait, I payed $15 million for this Stradivarius violin, and you’re telling me I can’t play it underwater?!”

I had some dude tell me, “Smile! Life’s not that bad!” so I of course scowled at him, but I also thought, “That is a bold fucking statement to say to someone you don’t know.” For all he knew, I had just gotten terrible news from my doctor, or had a death in the family.

Well, he definitely likes the adulation of campaign crowds as a balm for the narcissistic injury of most people hating him.

Men have been making art out of images of women for millennia, but when we do anything to control our own image, we’re wasting our time.

I perfected this when I worked in customer service. A man once screamed at me that, “You shouldn’t smile if you’re not happy!” and sounded like a fucking lunatic to everyone within earshot, most importantly, my boss.

When I was at the Orsay in Paris, I wanted to murder lots of people who were blocking my and their own view of the art with phones. None more so than a man who used his iPad to take photos of every inch of every Van Gogh he saw. Meaning, he literally took about 15 pictures of each, from 4 inches away, 9"x7" at a…

I’m blushing!

Thanks!

Also, if you are on your way to a business meeting or professional conference, you may very well run into business associates at the airport.

Your turn signal lets other drivers know what the fuck it is you plan to do. You know, so you don’t collide with them, causing possible loss of life, and a huge traffic jam.

Most pundits and journalists remind me of a kid who is absolutely sure that this time, this time, Dad is going to show up for them. Listen Sport, not everyone who becomes a father is cut out to be a dad, and not everyone who becomes a president is cut out to be something other than the country’s malevolent id. Now…

Truly. They do not believe consent is the line. They believe, “My made up rule book” is the line.

You are awful.