My mom once said she thinks it would be ideal if married people took a monthly “night off” from each other, and you just don’t tell each other what happened. As a married woman myself, I totally think that would work for me, but my husband would never go for it. It would drive him mad. Ideally, if it wouldn’t hurt…

“But men are afraid of losing their main squeeze if they even bring it up.”

I’m pregnant, so I’m not supposed to go in hot tubs or very hot baths. When the nurse said this, I asked what temperature I should stay under.* Instead of telling me she didn’t know, or telling me to look it up, she said, “It’s like boiling an egg. Do you want to do that to your baby?”

I’m just here to say that I am certain that in the 90s we were told 6 months. YM told me, Seventeen told me, I remember it. Were there a bunch of eye infections in the aughts that made them revise the number down to three, or is it just an attempt to sell twice as much mascara? Also, I could never even get through a…

The super itchy kind your parents make you wear during her visit, but when she goes home, you never have to wear it again.

If they didn’t have sex until they were married, why is she wearing what appears to be a maternity wedding dress?

She looks like Tiffani-Amber Theissen.

After a long bike ride I like a nice cold beer, but apple juice would taste good too. ;)

I don’t like that it spoils the taste of my morning coffee, but fresh-squeezed juice really will have vitamins in it. Just none of the fiber of the fruit. Also, all the sugar and more.

What if I dilute the juice with alcohol?

Damn it. I hated Jurassic World, but I adore Jeff Goldblum, and now he wants to force me to watch this movie with his offbeat charm. Jeff Goldblum........uh........finds a way.

I’m certain the doctors in my area are scalpel happy, because all of my friends have children, and *none* of them have given birth vaginally. 0%.

I’ve heard this too.

My first car had the gas tank opening behind the rear license plate. That took a while to figure out.

I find it weird, if they want white women with curly hair to know that we can use the product, that they used straight-haired white women in the advertisement. If they want to expand into DevaCurl’s market, I am baffled by this commercial from that standpoint as well.

This won’t work for every couple, but I find that my husband generally is willing to go down on me when he isn’t in the mood for intercourse, and the act of doing it turns him on, and then the maintenance sex turns into sexy sex.

I’m so glad you said that. I’ve always had a higher sex drive than my husband (I could easily go every day and twice on Sundays), but now he’s in his early 40s and I’m in my early 30s, and the disparity is stark. He could go 2 weeks to 1 month in between. Adding to the problem? he works from home, which means he…

I will be using “Letters from Phil Collins to Genesis” at some point in the future.

“Her daughter was told to sit in the computer lab for that half-hour and read a book.”

Texas does not have as large a percentage non-white population as Hawaii. No state does.