Even at peak PMS I’ve neven banned anyone from my golf course. Weird to think that I’d clearly be a better president than the guy actually polling in second place in the NH GOP.

‘Sofia: Unfreeze your daughters, unfreeze your heart.’

It’s pretty rich of her to construe a homeland security dude doing his job as “trying to get his 15 minutes” considering she hitched her wagon to an aging alcoholic superstar and hasn’t looked back since.

Yeah, that line is the perfect distillation of the absurdity of the “fake victim” claims.

Fine then. Watch my 49 minute youtube video called “Why feminists are ruining gaming” where I talk about that one girl who didn’t date me that one time. Also, I don’t play video games.

Yeah, that depends. I’m a descendant of Native Anericans and let me tell you America’s record in human rights with my people do rival that of Russia because you know, there were millions of us but I’m sure you’re going to say something like: that doesn't count because it wasn't REALLY America. Or something like that.

That’s a valid complaint about communism, really.

Canada might not be the slam dunk you’re thinking it is. We’re coming to grips with our own genocide.

Guards! Seize this peasant!

Okay, so I am in a bad mood, granted, but this is so far out of my ken as an ordinary citizen that I am not feeling it. I understand that women actors in Hollywood are up in arms over smaller paychecks than their male counterparts are granted and well they should be, but how does this impact us as a whole? So Jennifer…

I’ve trained for this for years. Break out the box wine.

Fuck the Dos Equis guy. This is the most interesting man in the world.

GENDER FLUID SOCIALLY CONSCIENCE MILEY CYRUS IS MY FUCKING FAVORITE

Considering all the bodily fluids that married couples cheerfully share on a regular basis, the horror of occasionally using the same toothbrush seems fairly arbitrary. I’m not saying it would thrill me, but if I’m happy to have a man’s dick in my mouth, drawing the line at his toothbrush would be more than a little…

Feeding bears isn’t cute; it’s stupid and dangerous. When bears get complacent around humans, and/or come to view humans as a food source, humans (and bears) often end up dead. Plus, this bear is behind barbed wire, sitting up and performing for food. That’s incredibly sad, and doesn’t make me feel like squee’ing.

Dear idiots: please never, never do this. It’s always super adorable when a grizzly that has been habituated by tourists attacks and kills a local. Sincerely: locals who live, hike, bike and run in grizzly populated areas.

So basically NO ONE READS THE BOOKS???

Mark, if you, like me, owned a dogeared copy of Bear Attacks, you’d know the park ranger maxim “a fed bear is a dead bear.” That’s because bears, when they begin to associate humans with food, often escalate to attacking humans when they realize that they’re made of meat.

Yes, this. Thank you for saying it more politely than I would have done. I’m going to work to be as thin or as healthy as I want and is right for me—I don’t need to check in to see if my goal weight is on some pre-approved list of Arbitrarily Assigned Sensible Weight Loss Goals. I don’t have an eating disorder or…

Check your cable-privilege. This is a safe space for people who love Amy Schumer but can’t watch her show.