Jean is also a fat whore and has no business giving advice.

jean is a goddamn liar

I have an issue with artificial sweeteners (or more accurately, my body doesn't like to digest them) - so that's a no go.

If there was a test available that worked with 100% accuracy and it showed that I was going to develop Alzheimer's in the next 10 to 20 years I would immediately start smoking again in an effort to die from cancer before I started losing my sense of self. It might be more painful but the thought of being effectively…

My mom was AWESOME at shutting down my every move. I am the child of two journalists - they saw through my every ruse. I am who I am today because I had smart parents who cared.

I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO ON THAT SKI TRIP

My personal favorite:
A dog limps into an old-west saloon. He goes to the bartender and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"

Plenty of actors take peanuts to work on films like Precious. I wonder how much Mariah Carey got to be in it; she's probably more accustomed to big paychecks than Mo'Nique.

It's sorta funny when people are making a big point and you feel like, "Yeah! I'm with you... I'm with you...keep going..." and then they say a clunker like that.

I'm not kidding, more people need to speak out about the injustices of flying coach.

Did you hear about the sushi chef who moonlighted as a webcam porn star?

I thought I had the perfect joke.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

This is creepy.

I think my reaction to this would be different had my ex-husband not given rings to my daughters and made similar promises to them and then walked out on us. When he left he said he did want to continue to have a relationship with them and told them that as well. He still saw them for a while but then he met a new…

Where there is only one set of footsteps, that is when Phyllis carried you.

I've found that the problem isn't in dealing with one's partner; it's integrating into one another's families that's the hard part.

I keep reading this as "librarian" and wondering who these pushy book people are.

Congratulations: you just became the 2016 GOP frontrunner.

Thank you for honorably confessing, Kevin.