You're an asshole. The LiLo tweet is a direct reference to Mean Girls. Don't you look like a douche now?

Nothing too crazy, but I did buy a mountain bike, because a boy I liked was into mountain biking. And then I had to actually go mountain biking, which was scary, but also fun. When the boy and I broke up, I sold the bike, but to a girl I knew, and I would see her riding that bike around having all kinds of fun with…

http://getoffmyinternets.net/has-the-jezebe…

Dodai, I think I'll miss you most of all.

Mila Kunis makes me like Ashton Kutcher and I don't know how to reconcile that with my Two and a Half Men hate. Many congratulations to them!

It's wine-o-clock at Demi's house.

I'm also creeped out by the clothes for little girls that suggest they date anyone. I know it's a small thing, but the weird sexualization of kids really bothers me. (I even hate it when people talk about their "flirty" babies.)

These are the words of someone trying to work themselves around to the idea of "settling". Personally, I think "settling" is underrated, provided you are settling for someone with the right attributes.

I saw one that was "Enormously Successful People Marry; Feel Bad About Yourself."

my main point is, there are certain places that you just don't take children. If your kid is prone to meltdowns then leave your kid with a sitter or just don't go. People in fashion probably have kids too but they're not bringing them to fashion shows

I don't care if she is the calmest baby around, it's still not appropriate. I love kids. I think kids can handle a lot. A loud, crowded professional event is not appropriate for a toddler, period. I wouldn't bring my toddler to a concert or a gallery opening, either. Some things are for adults, and that's okay.

For me, it's not about the child as much as it is about to other adults there. Haven't you ever been in some sort of adult place and some jackass decided that it was perfectly okay to bring their screaming infant who should have been in its bed because "they're so portable at this age!"? Or their toddler run among…

These posts never, ever got old for me.

So much of this is terrible but my inner five-year-old is like

I was going to say Hemingway. She would have sounded exactly like him if she'd talked more about drinks and ended up fucking Miguela.

J.K. Rowling named her daughter after her personal hero, Jessica Mitford. She likely also modeled the Bellatrix Lestrange-Narcissa Malfoy-Andromeda Tonks sisters in the Potter books after the Mitfords.

My parents (who are usually conservative) insisted that we learn to say penis, vagina, urethra, etc. in case we ever got hurt or abused or whatever. I cannot tolerate the amount of grown-ass people I know who use terms like "down there" or "coochie". If you are not mature enough to say the actual words for anatomical…

Nothing like a good ol' boob sling

I'm fully aware of how tipping out works and that the bus boys, bar backs and bartenders don't get a cut if I don't tip a bad server. Regardless, not tipping a bad server is important. The bus boys, bar backs and bartenders, by virtue of getting stiffed because Sally McTextingInTheCornerInsteadOfKeyingInMyOrder…