I never saw him shut any woman up.

You’re missing one key component. Social conditioning can play a huge part in the beginning of the relationship. All those little red flags, which seem like nothing - until you look back on it with hindsight, often thinking “how did I miss that???” - because we are constantly bombarded with bullshit from birth.

“They are on edge, doing all they can to prevent the abuse, and losing their sense of self in the process.”

My therapist assigned me to read The Betrayal Bond because I was still so closely tied to my emotionally abusive husband. We’d been separated for 2 years, our divorce was almost final, and I’ve been in a loving relationship with a non-abusive boyfriend for 2 years. I could name one horrible thing after another that he…

Abuse is one thing, society’s reaction is another. Abuse is on the abuser, plain and simple. To be confronted with an incredulous: “But you are so not the type for that!”? - Not helpful. Not wanting to be seen as a woman who “allowed this to happen” to herself? - Not helpful. The trope of being the saviour woman who…

And if you want to get really particular about it (especially in a bad faith way)....Natalie Portman was born in Israel, a country in Asia.

I think the main issue is that as women we spend the majority of our day always having men be the loudest voice in the room. I know for me this rings true on a personal level since I work in a predominately male industry and environment.

First of all, the screenplay was adapted while only the first book existed and the other two were not yet written (Source, about halfway down).

Oh, believe me - I realise how profound the effects of traumatic bonding are, although not first-hand. Nor would I ever suggest trying to help a victim of domestic abuse by telling her “Hey, this is the way society has conditioned you!”

So, MD just accused me of being the Infamous Meteor. I have seen many of his posts, and this is a recurring theme: a commenter challenges him, and that challenger MUST BE METEOR. Holy shit: there must be a dozen meteors at least. I remember that bad squabble, and I also remember the pure, undiluted hatred that drove…

This is how you respond to someone who gently told you that they’re a survivor of domestic abuse?

You’re such a fucking chode but I have to admit that I chortled at this.

Dude. This community is full of trauma, we come here to help each other.
 

It is very much both things, not just the cognitive dissonance. Just consider the construct of the ‘difficult/brilliant man who is worth the heartache’ popularised in films, TV and music - in fact most films who have won the Oscar Best Picture deal in this trope, with the accompanying ‘long-suffering wife’ trope.…

I too am sick of a male POV dominating every single post. There’s a lot of dope female voices here that are being drown out. You’re being defensive about a space that doesn’t belong to you, no one has been rude that I have seen. Don’t shit on people who are thoughtfully expressing their feelings. Your need to comment…

Conway responded by going home and smearing her face with Jim Beam, laying under the tanning lamp and eating two packs of cigarettes.

Tired, I feel like I’m re-living your ordeal, and I would bet that MANY women here are too. I understand your fear and your choice to adopt a “burner.” I have too. Some privileged commenters use this against us, because they believe that their “ungrey” status elevates their opinion and confirms their own prejudices.…

Hear, hear. I’m kinda tired of the first comment I always read, on a feminist blog mostly for women, is written by a dude, usually this particular dude. And his response indicates he seems tone deaf as to why that in and of itself is problematic.

Copying this comment I made to Mortal Dictata to myself because I am not a “troll” but I’m trying to prevent my comment being dismissed just because I disagree:

I’ve never had a personal problem with you. I suspect we are around the same age, and we definitely live in the same country. I have noticed, however, that you do make yourself at online home in places where others wouldn’t necessarily do.