And if he's have dipped that chocolate chip cookie in a frothy glass of sidewalk moss-flavored cat urine he'd have really been flying.

I feel like you're underestimating the fact that you are referring to the breakfast of champions...Choco-saline cookie drips are how I start my day.

He was "literally rejuvenated"... Are you sure we aren't talking about Chris Traeger here?

No, it is not. Stop right there because no one on this website wants to hear your butt sex information that you got from your pastor, fox news, the heritage foundation or some screed being posted to facebook. I get it, you hate the gays and think they should be locked away for the safety of humanity. Most of us…

Today, henceforth, shall forever be known as Taco Tuesday.
- Alabama Appeals Court

Now if we could just get them off of the sibling fucking I might, still never go to Alabama

Alternative headline (not that yours was bad): Awesome Muslim Lady Fucking Schools a Bunch of Shithead Conservative Loons as to How American Political Discourse Is Supposed to Work

I can't believe that's still a conversation. The only thing that the states seem to be better at than the federal government is discrimination. They can have their rights just as soon as I get mine.

I want to focus only on the importance of the executive order, but I admit I'm more than a little distracted by how fantastic "Earnest" is as a name for a White House spokesman.

Ontario just elected a married lesbian premier. So, yes, keep your cool for Wisconsin.

A couple of years ago a guy returned a pair of scissors he'd stolen from my library. He freely admitted to stealing them 41 years ago. He'd kept them with him through a move to a different continent and back again, always intending to return them. We told him he could keep them but he insisted on giving them back. …

Worst. Pinterest. Project. Ever.

I've always thought, "it is a baby eating, what the fuck is your problem," was all that needed to be said.

The upside to making up bullshit to attribute to views you don't like is that you've outed yourself as a defender of racism to any person with a shred of decency.

This is quite seriously the first thing I thought. Do you know your audience, Paula Deen?

margarine? the fuck?

Miss Piggy's more lifelike.

I tried to tune in, but all I got was a bunch of white noise. Maybe it's not ready yet.

I'm always mildly concerned that she's gonna throw her head back one day and snakes are gonna come out of her mouth to eat someone's face. I think it's the eyes.