She'll get no sympathy from her roommate, the tiny violin player.

If Wall had a father these would be 540 lay ups for sure.

When does a pentagon have four sides?

First thought after reading "gunfight": Ahh, 'murica! freedom guns blazin and the wild west! yeehaw!

UTAD Office assistant: Sir, we've received several requests for our correspondence with Nike to be made public

Not sure...

Yet another reason to like soccer—It annoys baseball players.

That doesn't mean the joke was good.

My Brazilian friend made $91,666.66 per minute working less than 1 hour! No college degree required. To find out how, just go to this website: www.BigOrangeBBall.EZMoney.com.

Beverly Hills? That's where Doug wants to be!

"How could you let that guy in the building?" - Assistant Manager, Red Lobster

I don't remember cutting onions. My feels.

In a head to head collision the coefficient of friction of the road surface is virtually irrelevant; all of the combined energy of the collision will be absorbed by the two cars proportional to their relative mass & velocity.

Thanks to the internet, you no longer need imagination!

"I'm gettin too endangered for this shit!"

Timmy: Excitedly plays as Denver, loses.

1. His issue is definitely not swinging too hard.

Humanity has come up with some dumb shit over the years, but the whole "fuck her right in the pussy" thing is particularly embarrassing.

This is actually the wiring schematic of the 919 as well.