I just want to know one thing. Will I need to upgrade to a quantum printer?

"Did you know that every time someone makes a warranty claim on a Volkswagen, a German engineer gets his wings?"

- Daddy, what do you do when you go to work?

My girlfriend used the same trick to sneak into my house permanently.

The NFC championship game was the best two teams in the NFL.

In the middle of my life's journey, I came upon a traveller in the woods. He said unto me, "Follow close," and so I did. We walked into a dark vale; the mist was thick, the odor foul. We descended into a cavern, and there upon the shore of a black river awaited wraiths for miles. They opened their mouths, but could…

Well, statistically, if a player plays three seasons, five years is lifetime coverage.

Vernon Davis Has More Offensive Pass Interference Penalties This Year Than Called in the Entire League the Past Decade

"I AM A STUDENT AT SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY WHICH IS IN SYRACUSE, NEW YORK"

Please don't change Kinja again

Here's an idea: bear down and focus on your studies, you embarrassing piece of shit.

You can definitely see someone take a piss on Rick Reilly on Fox Sports 1. But, if you really want to see Rick get shit on, you have to subscribe to Fox Sports 2.

Mr. D. Orlando Ledbetter seems to be very dissatisfied with six unconstructive minutes.

Only if he was driving their bus.

Streep: we had to shoot that scene nine times before it was successful

Wrecking an Enzo.

Sing us a song, you're the Schiano man,

Construction workers hate him

I'm pretty confident that I understand Plan B, but I feel like it would probably make more sense to chuck the pill at the midsection instead of the head.