Pro tip: this is satire.

Caitlin Moran writes in a deeply sarcastic, satirical tone which I imagine it's almost impossible to pick up on if you aren't British. Her work really doesn't belong on here where the majority of the readership is American.

"She told me she would like an iPhone 6 because it had a bigger screen but realised we could not afford it but still, I want to buy it for her."

It's a shame that Mario is wearing the wrong outfit for throwing fireballs in. I guess he could be repainted red and white quite easily, though.

Nah, the best part of the RCT series was coming up with elaborate ways to murder guests.

PG Tips? PG TIPS?! You hear that? It's the howling anguish of a million Englishmen. Good men forced to drink the dirty dish water they call "PG Tips" because that's all they have in the break room at work. Do yourself a favour and track down some Yorkshire Tea.

When I was 17 I once had a man in his late 50s stop me in the street to "ask directions". He started telling me me how beautiful I am and complementing my admittedly ample bosom etc., you know, the usual. I started walking away as soon as it became apparent he knew where he was going, but he followed me and kept…

Giardia is generally transmitted through contaminated water consumption. We'd not been camping or even outside the city in quite some time so unless my other half had licked one of the BART poles, the chances of it being giardia are virtually zero. Not worth the cost of doing the test.

I moved from the UK to the US a few months ago and I'm absolutely staggered by how many tests and exams they do out here. My other half went in for some intestinal trouble and they carried out a giardia test. Giardia! We live in a huge city!

That's what she said.

Adventure Quest, maybe? Fun fact: it's still going.