1. If you ever said puppies are better than cats

First - THIS.

I can assure you the bride...

I'm getting married in several months, and I JUST DON'T TALK ABOUT MY WEDDING ON FACEBOOK. That is pretty much something I decided to stick to since I got engaged. The only mentions have been when we got engaged and one rant I went on about wacko wedding dress sizing. That's it.

"I'LL RAISE THIS BABY ALONE!"

"Wait. What are you trying to say?"

I really don't understand how people wear non-cotton underwear. Lace panties are so itchy! Yeah they're fine if you just want to wear them to bed and rip them right off, but I can't stand them in day to day life. Screw the haters, I buy all my underwear from Victoria's Secret, it's sexy AND my ass and vagina can…

I simply love Chris Pratt. Apparently a lot of his lines are ad-libbed, which makes me love him even more.

Oh look girls, we just got personal hygiene and proper underwear procedure mansplained to us. *eyeroll*

I'm sorry, but have you ever worn a pair of those? And/or is your ass magical? Because I I bought a couple foolishly thinking they were the perfect middle ground between thongs and non-thongs. OH THE WEDGIES THEY WROUGHT.

I wear them whenever sexytimes await and I never have a problem. But then again I have a pretty flat ass so who knows.

Between this and your other comment, I am concerned that you do not understand (a) how female anatomy works, (b) how thong underwear works and/or (c) how bacteria works.

Love the new Gawker logo.

Like men aren't the kings of dingleberries in ass hair.

And...

I literally don't go anywhere without a travel pack of Cottonelle wipes. Can't tell you the number of times they've come in handy, from TP-less port-a-potties to visits to friends who buy 1-ply sandpaper for their home bathrooms.

I don't wear thongs, but I am at the point where I want to tell my husband to start showering every time he poops, he has skid marks on ALL his boxers, and it is foul. He says it's because he is a chef who sweats his balls off working in a piping hot kitchen all day, so even when he wipes thoroughly and is clean,…

So Sisqo was actually requesting a cleanliness check?

Cotton thongs are the sheet. I know most people hates Victorias' Secret, but they make these great lace-top cotton thongs that are super comfy.