I live alone in a rather large, Edwardian flat with 13 foot ceilings. When the bulbs burn out in my ceiling fixtures I will carry around a floor lamp from room to room. I plug it in and do my business and then move on, rather than just change the bulb. I did this once for a month straight before I finally pulled out…

Sometimes I like to randomly flop down with my tongue hanging out the side of my mouth and imagine what my chalk outline would look like if I died suddenly while folding the laundry or something.

Occasionally I follow that with slowly curling my fingers up like corpses do during rigor mortis then I quickly check out…

I hold full, out-loud, long conversations by myself, pretending I'm a guest on WTF with Marc Maron. Sometimes I politely argue with him; sometimes we battle; sometimes I just charm him with my stories and wit. It's intensely self-indulgent and embarrassing and I love it. I would DIE if someone overheard me. I have a…

I've been single for so long that pretty much everything I do is SSB.

This isn't anything new. Megyn Kelly has always been very aware and vocal about the discrimination she personally experiences, she just hasn't yet demonstrated the ability to expand that awareness to other people who experience other forms of discrimination. For example, a few years back, she smacked down a man who…

You know, one can have sympathy for the lack of options the mother had and also think she should be punished. They're not mutually exclusive.

It is SO hard for me to subscribe to this theory. I want to be generous of spirit and forgiving, but my sympathy well is close to dry. It's hard for a child to accidentally get burned, repeatedly, and burns are exceedingly painful and scary. If the moms are, for whatever reason, unable to protect their children, maybe…

I love these emails! They are like watching animals at a zoo. How the fuck is every member of the sorority expected to own all these highly specific articles of clothing? What if my only pair of nude wedges is ever-so-slightly scuffed?

You guys, this is the year I get an exception for my maxi skirt.

I presume it means that if the fetus is past a certain "possible viability point", the doctors would have to induce labour as opposed to perform an abortion. It's a really dangerous area to get into trying to legislate, because every situation is so different, and it's a decision that should only be left up to the…

I'm guessing that means that if the termination is performed at a point when there's some possibility that with heroic measures the fetus can survive as a preemie, it's to be delivered? The whole thing is awful. Talk about getting between people and their doctors! If this is only in the case of the 'life' of the…

Post 20 weeks you generally have 2 options in most states. A d/e where they stop the babies heart in utero and then remove the baby/fetus surgically or labor and delivery where the woman is induced and the baby/fetus is delivered. Some hospitals stop the heart before a L/D procedure either by the shot to heart or by…

Last year in probably April or May we got a very very light dusting. Not even real snow! It was like 30+ degrees and very sunny so it wasn't going to stay long. My asshat neighbor down the street thought it was suitable to dib. Which is absurd because he didn't shovel it! It melted!

it's kind of the unwritten rule that you don't take other people's shoveled out spaces, right?

Dibs is the fucking worst. Yeah, it sucks to spend all the time digging your car out and then finding someone else's car in it after you did all the work for them, but it's a public street and public parking. If you want your own private parking spot, you are welcome to rent or buy one.

I'll objectify any dude in a chambray button down with perfectly cuffed sleeves, tbh.

This is what I was coming here to say. NOTHING and I do mean nothing will ever top that story. It still freaks me out.

ugh. This story has haunted me for years and years

Any of the really old school Jezebelles around? The grossest story I remember is the one about Moe's tampon. Enjoy:

I actually like his opening comment. If I had seen the show without any context I would've thought " Oh that Alex Trebek, so wise."