Monkeys in polo shirts that if you tell them you want an STI, start throwing feces at you.

On tonight’s program: a lawyer sits in a chair, a man yells about a wall, and we have to find a new test track

This is why I carry...a crazy person in my back seat. He handles the rage. And I can just relax and enjoy the drive.

The key is to watch all of the various OEM-sponsored AWD comparisons:

Wagons, period. And don’t give me that “crossovers are wagons” bullshit because NO THEY ARE NOT. Would you tell your child medicine is candy? No, because then they’d take too much and die, just like wagons are nowadays.

Think of the children, people!

Snow tires are allowed in every state in the country.

Absolutely not.

Can I vote for a new car with good vis. (since I think this will be harder to do than find bad examples). Forester.

How is she so calm?

They come reliable from the factory, but for some reason, every Subbie owner does their darndest to make them unreliable.

You know what’s hilarious is that technically the people on the highway pacing alongside the cars on the on-ramp aren’t breaking the law. The driver on the on-ramp is 100% responsible for merging onto the highway. The cars on the highway are in no way obligated to move out of their way.

Be at the same speed as traffic when merging. Be at the same speed as the traffic you are merging into.

Expect every other driver has not read these tips and is a moron

I love that Michigan still uses the gumball machine roof light

I will buy a self driving car tomorrow if it comes with a gun turret on the roof that I can man.

You know, it’s not logical to feel guilt for something you didn’t really have a direct hand in, but I’ll tell you from personal experience, it’s real and it’s a shitty feeling.

We all need motorcycle police like the Australians to deal with mobile phone users!

Life over limb big block.

When a life is threatened by immediate danger, such as a fire, you have to ignore the danger of causing further injury by moving the victim.