People with addictions can have pretty extreme personalities. My grandpa is a lot like him. When he’s happy he’s the life of the party and super generous. When he’s down its awful.

“ate the school’s weird, rectangular, plastic pizza almost every day. I drank the nearly expired, lukewarm milk, chewed through unnaturally sweetened gelatin desserts that had developed that weird tough outer skin, and relished beef and cheddar days because the processed nacho cheese overpowered the flavor of old…

Was there a protest or something? Yeah, SEVERAL YEARS AGO.

That “dancing while eating cotton candy” sketch was great, and a lot of it rode on the expression on his face - just utter excitement and delight, all the way through. He really committed, and that’s what it needed.

“Sorry for helping” line was my favorite.

More than one man has commented to me that he couldn’t stand to watch HMT because he didn’t like seeing the mistreatment of women. Huh!

Chris Pine’s hosting duties on Saturday Night Live this week gave him plenty of opportunities to play to his wheelhouse of “Star Trek Captain” and “Fratty Douche,”

I used to put Dinty Moore beef stew over toast as a kid!

This is what I tell people who look horrified when I mention it, but they assure me that it sounds far more disgusting than cheese on pie. They’re wrong.

Well yeah, see, but your mom’s recipe is an actual RECIPE and it sounds.... appetizing? Certainly in comparison to the horror that was served us at least once a week. Like, dude, she didn’t even use any seasoning. Nothing.

I didn’t realize he had done Thor. I love listening to Director’s Commentaries, but I suffered through his while frequently muttering “you twat!”

I keep telling folks that the lutkefis one is better.

“potting geraniums or babies”. After a neighbor made a horrifying discovery while walking through her garden, she was later indicted on 32 counts of infanticide.

“Brown the garlic, onion, and crumbled beef in the oil. Add the flour, salt, paprika, and mushrooms, stir, and let cook five minutes while you light a cigarette and stare sullenly at the sink.”

It’s true - I’ve tested it. On second thought, I should do further testing.

+1 VP debate appearance for you!

I could actually totally see Emma Thompson doing it. She’d make a better Ariadne than Branagh makes a Poirot, not that that’s saying much.

Helen Mirren as Ariadne Oliver!

“I do miss him. He was a great friend. I was playing that man for 25 years and you develop with him. Even now I could take him out and spend the whole day with him looking through his eyes. I know everything about him. The way he travels, what he eats. Everything. I have his last moustache in a little frame and I…

I worked with Hercule Poirot. I knew Hercule Poirot. Hercule Poirot was a friend of mine. Mustachioed Branagh, you’re no Hercule Poirot.