Bad things about Steve Carrell: he did not hire a single minion to be his personal assistant.

Bad things about Steve Carrell: He is not, currently, my best friend.

Or red.

That works. As long as they are not crunchy. Because allergies.

Brace yourselves, everyone.

How are they served in a (monogrammed) thermos? Or with saved bread?

So at this place, everything tastes like ham?

*sips skinny whole-milk nonalcoholic Irish macchiato* from their monogrammed thermos

Nothing worse than linguinies that are picked too soon. Grilling them more won't even make them tender.

Ugh, some of these employees have so much attitude. If you're unwilling to do things just because they're logically impossible, maybe customer service isn't for you.

That's what I like about her, too - she seems truly to have no pretensions.

I would imagine that two of the conditions for Nick were that he not leak details about or photos of the visit to the media. I would bet he is looking to make some cash.

It seems to be the cool thing over at Gawker to bemoan the fact that everyone is safe. Including the baby.

Where are the parents in all this?

Hopefully they will get home safe and be unbelievably embarrassed about this in a few years.

Is it even worth trying to bring them back at this point? They're radicalized. Let them stay radicalized over there in ISIS territory.

I want to believe this was some well-intentioned cafeteria person who earnestly wanted to celebrate black history month and didn't realize they were really celebrating southern cooking instead.

I live in Austin, an they've done the same thing at my university and the two high schools I've taught in every year for as long as I've known them.

I would actually love some good fried chicken right now. But my craving has no relationship to it being Black History Month. I just like fried chicken.

I bet Ariana Grande's fragrance smells like baby powder and milk.