I have to pee so bad I can taste it

In high school my soccer team somehow answered phones on television for the local telethon one year. We were taught how to pretend like we were answering calls and talking pleasantly whenever we were on TV. Also every other question was about how big Jerry Lewis’s cut was (I told people 50%). And our handlers would…

Calling idiots idiots is not thought policing, idiot.

Et tu, Urlacher? He should Restore his brain too.

Converting your dollarydoos to U.S. (based on 1995 average exchange rate), you spent $10.81 U.S. on Terminator, and $51.35 on the sequel. That is $18.27 and $86.78 today! My VCR stopped working 2 years ago, otherwise I might ask to borrow it.

The President she no doubt loves doesn’t even speak English. At least when two people speak Spanish you know they can understand each other, unlike Wordsaladish.

This made me think about our friends, who have two young boys very far on the spectrum. They have very difficult lives, to put it mildly, but they face their difficulties head on every day. They didn’t know much of anything about raising autistic children, but they did the research and learned what they had to. They…

Wait, why does recognitions get to do it? So many of us want to throw him in the ocean.

The Xenu biopic is finally happening!

While I admit that format wouldn’t work with the Wire, I have come to love Binge Mode and all of its lists and hilarity, specifically for Game of Thrones and Star Wars.

Check roughly 2009-2016, I think you could find it there.

They should make more horror movies where the creepy monster is named after other classical composers, like maybe Heinrich Ignaz Franz Bieber.

Paraphrase of the greatest tweet of the night (I wish I could give credit to its source but I am not on twitter and heard about it third hand):

Also it really is his thing, and his thing only. I hope he never changes.

He admitted in the first 30 seconds that because he didn’t approve of past halftime shows, he knew to turn off the TV for this one. Then he goes on to complain that the basis of his lawsuit is that nobody who tuned in for football knew that “debauchery” was coming at halftime. I hope a smart lawyer can bilk this idiot …

C’mon, you’re not even trying hard.

I think a cat would make an interesting pet but I’m allergic to creatures that hate me and demand servitude.

I check every box but I actually dislike river swimming, so I guess I’m out.

I was reading too fast and thought it said “beef cancer.”