Bless your heart. You make it sound like it’s coming right out of your own pocket.

It’s especially convenient in case you forget your ID.

I think it’s about time I start sporting a purse.

Suggestion: there are scads of us folks ready and willing to pay you to do our lists and shopping for us. This may be a lucrative and rewarding business opp for you.

You may not be crazy, but I know plenty of cats who are.

Not in my case, my father’s family has plenty of roadrunners in it.

And Donald Trump, who eats pizza with a knife and fork, in coat and tie with Sarah Palin.

I think it’s a hemp-based organic gourmet dog food brand.

Especially in 1st class. No lines to piss is the best reason to pay for a seat in the “forward cabin” as far as I’m concerned.

Or her gardener in the Hamptons.

Another that disappoints: *champing* at the bit. It’s not “chomping”.

Isn’t “Matt” also a nickname?

Clever (as in artful) names.

And who splits infinitives.

There are worse than Trump morons. All those geniuses who are too busy to vote.

No.

Maybe the hospital admin figures that better TV options means more time to get well.

It helps if you have short fingers.

Bingo

75% reduction in crime. He neglected to add that crime rates increased by 75% in the rest of the country during the same period.