Should not have read this at work. Tears streaming down my face from the last 3 paragraphs. Thank you.

Hey, can you please dismiss my initial reply here? Pretty please?

Seriously. How do I get my husband to do this?

Full disclosure: this line was originally written as I was spitballing ridiculous Cosmo sex tips in Twitter DM's with Laura Beck. So a Cosmo employee actually thought this one was funny.

I've worked in many restaurants, but I think the grossest place I worked was a movie theatre.

Pirate this woman's book to hate read?

Do not buy this woman's book to hate read.

I'm pissed they ignored Blackfish entirely. What a letdown, to know the Academy will just kowtow to the corporate interests of Sea World, even after finding out the extent of their cruelty.

I do not understand the question. And I will not respond to it.

Wow, something that I as a nerd finally have in common with religious nutjobs: hating deviations from the established canon of my favorite fictional universes.

Is it bad that I don't consider this that strange?

—What You Post On Social Media Will Later Haunt You.

How to find cute cat gifs in the hopes that Jezebel will notice you and get you out of the Grey 101.

If undergrads are taking their academic linguistic cues from online blogs, we have more troubles than 'feels'.

I HAVE PUT OUT THE HOG SIGNAL

Yo me toooooo.

/came here for pics of spike. #rawgliciouswhereuat