He was busy being a paramedic I guess.

I don't think it was intentional, since my father has never shown any sign or racism or homophobia in any other way. He can't drink alcohol, so he used to drink O'Douls if he ever drank beer, What I imagine happened is an old family friend, who is a big drinker, and a big jerk who certainly is casually racist and…

Bones is alright. Last week the fat kid from the Sandlot was in it.

That was my wife's choice for a name if we had another boy. I couldn't have been happier about having a girl.

…on their way back to their home planets.

Blossom's brother never did that, because Blossom was an 80s/90s NBC sitcom, with Very Special Episodes about how to Just Say No To Drugs. He did give several speeches to that effect.

I have. It was dead in the grass, I put my hand right on top of it by accident.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=urh…

I've been to the Bushmills distillery! We didn't get any free samples. But I did get a keychain.

There is O'Douls, or as my father calls it, "queer beer". Haha, old people and their casual homophobia.

Instead of going to see Veronica Mars (which was unexpectedly playing at the local theatre) or Grand Budapest Hotel (which was not playing anywhere around here), we took our son to see Mr. Peabody and Sherman, which went about as well as usual. He gets excited about going to the movies but as soon as he gets there he…

Oh…well there is one good one then. I like My Mother the Carjacker, if only for the aforementioned montage.

So's yours!

You bet your sweet bippy,

I know her only as "Figure skater Babilonia (3)"

I never got that joke. But, just like not knowing who Rory Calhoun is, it's still funny.

Statistics can be used to prove anything. Forfty percent of all people know that.

This is the greatest pun I have ever seen.

In America, first you get the basketball team, then you get the power, then you get the women.

"Arse" also rhyme with "grass" if you have a non-rhotic accent.