I kinda, sorta, believed this until your post, lol. I mean I never actually thought about how they were fertilized! 

When I was a kid my mom told me that it was the law that you had to take your children to the dentist every six months, and if she didn’t she would be arrested. This seemed credible to me because I knew a girl whose parents got a visit from cops over truancy, so it seemed reasonable that if the law made you go to…

When my nephew was a toddler he talked non stop. My brother, in a moment of exasperation, told him you only get so much voice for your whole life and if he didn’t slow down he’d use his all up. Didn’t phase the little guy. But a few days later he came down with strep throat and couldn’t speak. With tears streaming…

Every year on the way to the beach we’d travel through Elkton, MD. We convinced one of my older sisters that Elton John was originally named Elkton John, as that’s where he was from originally before moving to England. 

My older brother told me two things I completely believed for years. 1) “Lord of the Flies” was about garbagemen and, because he had serious allergies before the introduction of Claritin, et al, that 2) mucus or “snot” was a by-product of brain use. If one had a lot of mucus production, they were using the hell outta…

My maternal grandfather once told me that the green-colored ice cream in Spumoni was spinach-flavored. Being five years old, and hating spinach with a passion, I believed him.

One for the car guys out there.

My father was a bullshit artist of the highest order. He had a particular gift for spinning bullshit that sounded plausible, and yet somehow the facts you actually demanded evidence for would always turn out to be true. It was all pretty harmless and I did learn to do my own research.

FWIW - In the 70's in Texas, that was a thing. At the beginning of each school year, you had to get your parents to sign and return a form that either allowed or did not allow the school yo use corporal punishment.

I read Bunnicula as a child and was really taken by it. So, my parents decided to honor this love by telling me that the Easter Bunny was a vampire.

Every member of my family firmly believes in telling small children that if you sleep with your feet uncovered then the devil will suck your soul out of your feet at night. I was three when I was told this, which was the standard age for all of my cousins, too. Until I was in college, I was terrified to sleep with my…

I was born with a heart defect that required surgery at a young age. So like most heart patients, my parents were told to limit my sodium intake*. Problem was, I fucking loved salt and would probably have eaten a handful of it if I were allowed.

My father left us when I was six and my mother didn’t care to take care of our beagle Tippy in addition to my brother and me. So in a twist on the thing that OTHER parents tell their kids to spare their feelings, my mom told us that Tippy was hit by a car and killed. But she really gave him to someone she knew who had…

In middle school, my younger sister was in a rebellion phase and told my very liberal parents she was going to become a republican. Without missing a beat, my mom looked her in the eyes and told her that she couldn’t because they had put Democrat on her birth certificate. All the rest of us agreed that it was true, so…

My dad told us, me and my three older sisters, that orange juice pulp was called fib. And to remove the fib from your orange juice, you used a defibrillator. This went my entire childhood and into my teens. I just believed. My sisters and I asked our friend's confused parents for defibrillators at post sleepover…

You are not a true cat owner until you are awaken from a deep sleep upon the first HAAAAAACK noise and spring into action.  

Are you on a bed or carpet?  Because if you are you need to be aware that someone will come rushing in and throw you onto the nearest wood/tile floor, then stand over you waiting for you to finish. 

Whoa! Thanks for ripping that memory out of cold storage. I loved that show!

There are no mental gymnastics. They’re not convincing themselves of anything. They’re just parroting the spin given to them by Fox News, Breitbart et al. Trump could be on video tape dropping N-bombs left and right and they’d just claim he was quoting a rap song. 

Trump IS a fucking dork and I hope he gets shoved in a locker permanently.