“I only hire the best people.”

That is accurate:

Auto Mechanic: I see the problem

We think it’s ugly. 

Can you imagine an Italian car with gesture controls?

Fuck that. This was the best thing that ever happened to this kid, and he was in no way ‘damaged’ to the point of 15 million dollars.

Bentrey

god i heard the clip and i wanted to punch his face off his face and then take his skin face and tan it and then put that on a dart board and use it and then attach that to a missile and blow it up and then take the ashes of that and pee on them and then take that and put it under the part of my yard where my dog pees…

Oh please let this happen. And let her win the nomination. The idea of her debating Hillary has SO MUCH comedic potential. I'm giggling just thinking about it.

"This is about the obliteration of legacy."

My balls fit in a guy's mouth on the regular. They don't need that much room.

this was an act of war

I don't know... I've met Emeril several times and had the pleasure of cooking for him and eating with him at one of the restaurants I worked at, and he was great. Maybe you caught him on an off day? I'm the first to call out shitty celebrities - I've come across many, particularly in this restaurant - but he wasn't…

Sorry, there are no pee's. Would you like to buy a bowel?

I don't know what conservatives want anymore, it's all so contradictory. Have a million babies, but don't have any sex, stay home with the babies and don't work, but don't live off the system or expect low cost health care, just work harder and then you'll make more money, but don't expect small businesses to have any…

WHAT.THE.FUCK. Seriously???? I'm just going to take my keyboard and bash my fucking face in.

"Oh, it wasn't bad enough that you strapped me into this S&M fantasy of yours? Now you have to take my picture too?!? I'm going to shit on your pillow SO hard."

Never, whore.

Scary face ominously gazing at the plane. Cannot unsee.