That's what she said.

I keep my porn in a folder titled "Definitely Not Porn"

"Blueteeth"

Raise your hand if you yawned while reading this article ::raises hand::

I don't know what conservatives want anymore, it's all so contradictory. Have a million babies, but don't have any sex, stay home with the babies and don't work, but don't live off the system or expect low cost health care, just work harder and then you'll make more money, but don't expect small businesses to have any…

Do.

"I have no idea what I'm doing"

WHAT.THE.FUCK. Seriously???? I'm just going to take my keyboard and bash my fucking face in.

Note to self: never accept BJs from moray eels.

"Oh, it wasn't bad enough that you strapped me into this S&M fantasy of yours? Now you have to take my picture too?!? I'm going to shit on your pillow SO hard."

Never, whore.

For those who could never quite master the spoon.

Scary face ominously gazing at the plane. Cannot unsee.

So my bird can talk, but more importantly she fake sneezes after I sneeze. And then I say 'bless you' and she says 'bless you' back, in here little broken speak 'n' spell voice. She's a parakeet. But check out this bird:

Miley. Matt.

Yes, Miley Cyrus is a movement. A bowel movement.