Steve Bannon is passionate about minority ownership, by which he means owning minorities

And japan has no fukushimas left to give

Shit’s called Takeshima, not Giveshima.

If Lindsay converts to Islam will she be kept out of the United States after this week?

Channeling SONY Liston?

“You think that’s bad—you should see my videos of the things they say at practice”

Sometimes “presents” are designed to be an insult with a toxic family. I’m...estranged from my mother and I’ve made it clear to her I’m an atheist and also having sex outside of marriage. I don’t celebrate Christmas exactly, but I’ll send out small presents as a nod to the season and usually family members send one…

Like a strawberry or raspberry.

Education spending per student:

Occam’s Razor is sharp and has any number of interesting things to say about the Trump team’s decision-making.

Christ. The golden shower is relatively tame compared to the seriousness of the allegations in the report.

If you know your old Steve Martin, she’s wearing the cruel dress.

A veteran criminal gang with 3 women and a 72 year old master counterfeiter? Can we get a show about them? They sound infinitely more interesting than the Kardashians.

Go fuck yourself.

To be fair, the only thing she stole from the podiatrist’s website was footnotes.

I’m curious: what upside did you see with turning a Duke joke into a sexist one?

That reader was definitely at the Warsaw in Greenpoint. There’s a full bar in the front but adjacent to the ballroom are those Polish ladies selling kielbasa and Zywiec. It’s a weird thing to see at a rock show but it works.

I could’ve painted my dick pink and run through the street and it wouldn’t have been as embarrassing.

Roughly 6,000 penguins.

You’re gonna need to leave out extra cookies and milk. And mackerel.