Leslie Jones is a goddamn treasure. “I just wanted to feel beautiful, y’all!”

I’m a dude, you’re a dude, she’s a dude, cuz we’re all dudes, YEAH!

I actually just texted Best Friend and told her I outed myself as the 80% shitty roommate. She told me I was stealing 30% of her fame.

I grew up in southern California*. The dude is strong with me, even 17 years after I left. But I understand your distaste. It’s become one of those things that I just accept about myself. I dude. I dude a lot.

“I’m so glad you think so.”

My grandmother didn’t have any friends at her funeral. Not sure if this is because all of her friends had died off or if it because she had alienated any former friends she had once had that were still living. She was never mean to me personally (though she was hardly warm and fuzzy), but she was a holy terror to my…

If it's too hard to NOT be an asshole to a six year old, maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't be a teacher.

If I can hold my arms out in any direction and you are closer than that? You had better be a family member I have allowed to be in the space. Like when we learned knife skills in Girl Scouts and you had to establish your safety circle (twirl around with your arms out, no one was allowed closer than that). My Safety…

Please try to remember everyone has “personal space” and Americans require a lot of it (from sea to shining sea). If you’ve ever been at one of the theme parks you might notice Europeans (don’t get me started on Brazilians who will STEP ON YOU) seem to require less. Standing in a line/queue is a dead giveaway that we…

I’m not a hugger...at all.

He’s going to need a lot of ketchup cake for this.

Ha, maybe. I like seeing her happy and this goofy does that. Let him kiss her ass for life. She deserves.

In my next life I would like to look like Zendaya. Is that wrong?

What??? Get. Out. Now.

When his Marvel contract is up, the superior Hemsworth bro should seriously focus on comedy. His timing is legit and he’s never afraid to get silly, which I can always appreciate (and in a hot dude, it’s a bonus). Seriously Hemsworth, comedy! Look into it!

No, Tim Kaine is not my real dad. But he is my favorite uncle.

Omg, he is the pursed lipped, pearl clutching spinster aunt isn’t he?

You didn’t find a harmonica in your pocket and knowledge of how to play harmonica in your heart the second your child uttered its first cry? I thought that came standard for each New Dad™.

Ok you know what, I can count the number of people on one hand that I’ve ever called a cunt in my entire life, it’s not a word I use lightly.

@picrad: I would go as far to say it looks like a faaaaaabulous place to walk around.